Before I Let You Go
by purplepagoda
Summary: Why is it that Olivia Benson never celebrates Valentine's day? And what does it have to do with Trevor Langan? Do they share a secret?
1. Secret

She thumbs through the papers, in the manila case file. She sits on the couch. The file sits on the coffee table. She reads every single word, line for line. She didn't really need to look at it, she had it memorized. She gets off the couch, and heads to the kitchen. She has grabbed a glass, and is looking for a bottle of alcohol, when someone knocks on the door. She sits the glass down, and makes her way to the door. She looks out the peephole, and rolls her eyes. She unlocks the door, and pulls it open.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, bitterly.

"Olivia, you know what I'm doing here," he answers.

"Detective Benson," she corrects him.

"We're not in a court of law," he reminds her.

"You shouldn't be here."

"You shouldn't be alone," she points out.

"And, since when do you know what is best for me, counselor?"

"Let me come in," he begs.

"Fine," she huffs, stepping aside. He enters the apartment, and closes the door.

He notices the file, laying on the coffee table. It's lying wide open. He looks at her.

"Why do you do this, to yourself?" he wonders.

"You know why."

"Stop," he suggests.

"You know that I can't."

"I understand."

"No," she shakes her head, "Trevor, you don't understand."

"Do we have to do this, every single year?"

"_You_ don't have to do anything. I don't even know why you're here."

"You know why I'm here."

"I wish that you would leave."

"I am here to save you, from yourself."

"Just leave me alone, Trevor."

"Why don't we, not do this? Let's break the cycle."

"I just want to be left alone."

"I am not going to leave you alone, you know that."

She takes a seat, on the couch. He takes a seat, on the arm of the couch. He looks at her, and he looks at the file.

"Just put it away."

"Unlike you, I can't just put it away."

"That isn't fair."

"I think that it is."

"Do you remember the first case we ever worked on, together?"

"It wasn't together," she argues.

"Your perp, my client."

"You lost."

"I remember."

* * *

_March 22nd, 1993- She's sitting at a bar, after work, with her partner. It was long before she was in sex crimes. It had been a long, grueling case. They sit at the bar, waiting on the verdict. After the call comes in, her partner leaves. She sits there, for a few more minutes, watching the news. A young, tall prosecutor takes a seat, next to her. _

_"Can I buy you a drink?" He wonders._

_She looks over at him, "Why would you buy me a drink? You lost your case."_

_"Nice to meet you too. I was just trying to be nice," he responds._

_"In my experience defense attorney's aren't that nice," she tells him._

_"My name is Trevor, can I buy you a drink, and try to change your opinion?"_

_"It wouldn't work," she argues._

_"Can I try?"_

_"Fine," she nods, "I'm Olivia, by the way."_

_"I know who you are. You're the cop who is responsible for putting my client in jail."_

_"I thought it was your job to keep him from going there."_

_"It is, but you made my job very difficult. What are you drinking?"_

* * *

She looks at him, and shakes her head. "Trevor, I don't want to take a trip down memory lane, with you," she argues.

"Why not?"

"Because I know how it ends."

"After all of this time, you still won't talk about it? Even to me?"

"Especially to you."

"I am not the enemy."

"Most of the time, you are."

"Why is it so hard for you?"

She furrows her brow, and looks at him, with rage, "How can you even ask me that?"

"I'm not leaving, so you might as well talk."

"We try this, every year, and it never works," she reminds him.

"Maybe, this time it will."

"What makes you think that?"

He reaches into the pocket, of his jacket. "I have a present for you."

"I don't want anything from you."

"Yes, you do."

"I hate you."

"I know that," he replies, as he pulls the object out of his pocket. He places it in front of her, in the middle of the papers that are strewn across her coffee table. She looks at it, and then to him. She swallows hard.

"Where did you get that?"

"I had it made."

"Why?"

"Because you're not the only one, who needs closure. I was there too."

"I know."

"Have you ever told anyone?"

"Told them what?" she raises her eyebrow.

"The whole story."

"No. I have never told anyone."

"Why not?"

"Because something's are not meant to be shared. Have you?"

"No," he admits.

"You act like you're better than I am, but you're not."

"I know that. Are you ever going to let anyone in?"

"Are you?" she throws his question back at him.

"I can't change the past."


	2. For My Broken Heart

"You never tell anyone what happened?" he wonders.

"No."

"You don't tell them any of it?"

"No. Why would I? Nobody knows. Nobody ever knew. We were always good at keeping secrets. I was a rookie cop, back then."

"Olivia, maybe it's time..."

She cuts him off, "Time, for what?"

"To move on."

"That's never going to happen," she argues.

"Why is it, that when we're both in court, you don't even look at me?"

"You know exactly why," she answers.

"You act like you don't even know me," he adds.

"Because I wish that I didn't."

"It's that easy for you, to just forget all of it?"

"I haven't forgotten any of it. It is just easy for me, if I only bring that box out of the closet, once a year. I only let myself deal with it, on day a year. If I thought about it, all of the time, I wouldn't be able to do anything else."

"But you still haven't dealt with it."

"Have you?"

He hangs his head, "No."

"Then why are you so hard on me?"

He shrugs, "I wish that I knew."

"Can we please not do this?"

He reaches into the pocket of his jacket. He feels around, in the pocket, on the inside of the jacket.

"I have something else, you can put in the box."

"What?"

He pulls it out of his pocket.

"Let me see your hand," he instructs.

She holds her hand out, flat. His hand is formed into a fist, around the object. He places it in her hand. She looks at the gold band, in silence.

"Maybe we should burn the box," he says, without thinking.

"Burn the box?! It's all I've got."

"Maybe we should stop holding on. Maybe it's time to let go."

* * *

_May 10th, 1993-_

_They sit outside of a judges chambers, in a small Connecticut town. They sit on a wooden bench, just waiting. He looks over at her, nervously. _

_"Are you sure about this?" she questions him._

_"Are you?"_

_"Yes, or no?" she replies, in irritation._

_"Yes."_

_"You don't have to do this, if you don't want to. We don't have to get married."_

_"I know that."_

_"This was your idea, and if you want to change your mind, now, that's ok," she tells him._

_"I am not going to change my mind."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Olivia, are you sure?"_

_"As sure as I'm ever going to be," she admits._

_"We're getting married, not picking out dinner," he rolls his eyes, "I wish that you were more certain."_

_"I am a cop, the only things I'm certain about, are that there are a lot of terrible people in the world, and that I could shoot you, right now."_

_"You would shoot me?"_

_"I said could, not would."_

_"Oh."_

_"Hypothetically, if I did, and you survived, would you represent me."_

_He smiles at her, "I don't know how ethical it would be to represent my wife."_

_"We're not married, yet."_

* * *

"Why are you giving me this?" she wonders.

"What am I going to do with it?"

"Well, apparently you've been carrying it around, for all of these years."

"Exactly."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I don't want to carry it around, anymore. I don't want to bear the burden, anymore. I hate having this secret. I hate that you blame me."

"That is what you hate?"

He shakes his head, "That is just the tip of the iceberg."

"Why do you come here, every year?"

"Because I know that you'll be here, doing this."

"Did it ever occur to you, that I might want to be alone?"

"I'm sure that you do, but what would happen, then?"

"Nothing."

"Where is the box?"

She points under the coffee table. He reaches down, and picks it up. He slides onto the couch cushion, next to her. He looks at her.

"Your rings aren't in this box," he makes the realization.

"No, they're not."

"Where are they? Do you still have them?"

"Why does it matter?"

"I am just curious."

She gets off the couch, and leaves the room. She goes into her room, and opens her jewelry box. She lifts up the tray, on top. She pulls out what she's looking for, and heads back into the living room. She hands the tiny baggy to him, as she returns to her seat.

He looks at the clear plastic baggy. Inside, there are two rings. An engagement ring, and a wedding band. He takes his, and slips it in the bag, too. He takes the lid off the box, and places it inside.

"As much as you hate me, I'm surprised that you still have them. Why did you keep them?"

"Just in case," she admits.

"We've been divorced for a long time, much longer than we were married. You don't particularly care for me, and I don't foresee that we will ever get back together. Why did you keep them?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"There are a lot of things about you, that I will never understand."


	3. You Lie

_February 13th, 1997- _

_She's supposed to leave town, after work. She gets stuck at work, until well after eleven. She decides to go home, get packed, and make the two hour drive. She puts the suitcase on the bed, and begins to pack. As she packs, she regrets not doing so, earlier. She takes a seat, on the bed, for just a moment. She ends up falling asleep. She's passed out, with the lamp on, on the bed, next to her suitcase, when her phone rings, hours later. She grabs the phone without thinking twice. _

_"Benson," she answers. "Slow down. What? I'll be there, soon."_

_She arrives at the crime scene. She has to park on the street. She flashes her badge at the officers, and explains who she is. They let her under the tape. She makes her way down the driveway, into the house. She finds that the police are detaining the family, in the study. She brushes past them. She makes her way up the stairs. She finds crime scene techs, in a small bedroom towards the end of the hallway. _

_Her eyes instantly go to the open window, of the second story bedroom. Her heart sinks. She looks at the empty bed, and then at one of the tech's processing the room. _

* * *

_May 10th, 1997-_

_He climbs out of bed, it's three o'clock in the morning. He makes his way into the living room. She sits on the couch, staring at the case file. This time is different. He takes a seat next to her. She takes the rings off her finger, and she places them on the file. She turns to him, with tears in her eyes._

_"I can't do this, anymore."_

_"Olivia, be reasonable."_

_"There is no reasoning, here. I don't want to be married, anymore. I don't want to do this, anymore."_

_"You don't mean that," he argues._

_"Yes, I do."_

_"Olivia..."_

_"Draw up the papers, and I'll sign them."_

_"Babe, come on. It's our anniversary."_

_"I don't feel like celebrating anything, anymore. I'm sorry."_

* * *

"I never should have given you a divorce," he tells her, regretfully.

"I wasn't in that marriage anymore, it wouldn't have mattered."

"I didn't want to lose you, but I didn't know what to do."

"Neither did I."

"One day, I'll find a way, to make this right," he vows.

"Find him," she tells him.

"Finding people, was always your job," he reminds her.

"There were no leads, no DNA. No one heard anything. No one saw anything."

"I know."

"If I never closed another case, I would be ok, if I could just close this one."

"It's about more than closing it."

"It's about closure. It's about answers. Don't you want that, too?"

"Of course I do."

"You gave up," she argues.

"I never gave up. You are the one who gave up. You gave up on our marriage. You gave up on a lot of things," he reminds er.

"Getting married was a mistake," she tells him.

"I don't believe that," he argues.

"We never should have gotten married."

"We should have stayed married. We should have tried to hold our lives together."

"How?"

He shrugs, "I don't know."

"Everything fell apart. I couldn't hold it together, no matter how hard I tried."

"I should have fought harder, to keep you. I should have done a lot of things, differently."

"It doesn't matter, none of it does."

"I wish that I didn't keep this secret. I wish I had told someone."

"Why would you want to tell anyone?"

"Maybe they could have helped."

"Nobody can help. Nothing anyone can do, is going to fix it."

"I am sorry."

"For what?"

"All of it," he admits.

"Do you think that makes me feel any better?"

"Of course not. Look, I don't want to fight with you. If you want to hate me, if you want to blame me, that's fine."

"I want you to be angry."

"At who?"

"I just want you to get angry. The whole time, you never got angry."

"I am angry."

"You never showed it."

"Olivia, we made a lot of mistakes."

"Obviously."

"I think that it's time we let it go."

"I can't let it go."

"Not like that," he reasons.

"Then how?"

"We have to tell someone," he replies.

"No," she disagrees, vehemently.

"Why not? What could it possibly hurt?"

"I don't want to relive it. I don't ever want to have to explain it, to anyone else."

"You think that I do? I don't. But, I am not to proud to admit, that I need help."

"You think that I am?"

"I think that you have spent all of this time wallowing in your own sorrow. You can't be happy, because you won't let it go. I understand it, but I don't agree with it."

"Trevor, you never moved on, either."

"I did move on with my life," he argues.

"Are you happy?"

"I didn't say that. How can I be happy?"

"You put on a convincing face," she seethes.

"My whole life changed, in a split second. Everything I knew, everything I had was taken away from me."

"It's been sixteen years," she reminds him.


	4. What If It's You

"To the day. Olivia I know how long it's been. I was there. I still remember it like it was yesterday. You act as if, I don't have a right to be upset, too."

"I just wonder, if this nightmare is ever going to be over."

* * *

_February 14th 1997- He wakes up, around two a.m. He heads to the bathroom to pee. He's come to Connecticut to stay with his parents, for the weekend. It was supposed to be a weekend getaway, for he, and his wife. He leaves the bathroom. On his way back to the bedroom, he stops. He pushes the door of the room open. The nightlight is plugged into the wall, in the corner. He walks over to the bed. He pulls back the covers, and finds the bed empty. _

* * *

"You weren't the only one who lost a child. You weren't there, when it happened. You didn't go into that room, and find that..." he trails off.

"I know. How do you think that makes me feel? I should have been there. I could have stopped it. I should have protected her."

"How?"

She shakes her head, "I don't know. I just know it's not fair."

* * *

_February 13th 1997-5 AM._

_She's sound asleep, in bed. Her husband is lying next to her. The alarm clock isn't set to go off, for an hour. She's awakened, by the sound of tiny feet. She opens her eyes, and looks around the dark room. The tiny figure appears, beside the bed. It doesn't say a word. It hops into the bed. It climbs over her, and nestles between her, and Trevor. _

_She rolls over. She looks at the three year old girl. She runs her fingers through her long, dark hair. _

_"Cadence, it's early. Go back to sleep."_

_"I know, mommy."_

_"What are you doing up?"_

_"I had a bad dream."_

_"You're safe, now. Go back to sleep."_

_"But mommy, "she begins to protest._

_"Sweetie, I'm tired."_

_"No, mommy, please listen," she begs._

_"Listen, to what?" _

_"I dreamed that there was a man," Cadence begins._

_"Where?"_

_"Looking in my window. I thought he was going to take me."_

_"Cadence, it was just a dream. No one is going to take you."_

_"It was scary."_

_Olivia kisses her forehead. "You don't have anything to be afraid of."_

_"Will you go check?" _

_"Cadence, it's ok, go back to sleep. No one is going to take you."_

_"What if there was a man, looking in the window?"_

_"I would shoot him."_

_"I thought we weren't supposed to shoot people."_

_Trevor rolls over. He groans. He looks at the sleepy little girl, "Cadence, if someone is peeking in your window, mommy is allowed to shoot him."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because he was ruining your sweet dreams," he answers._

* * *

He looks at her, "I forgot all about that."

"So did I. What if she was right? What if it wasn't a dream?"

"Olivia don't go down that road," he argues.

"What if whoever it was, wasn't from Connecticut. What if it was a local?"

"You're still never going to find him."

"What if he brought her back here?"

"Olivia, we don't have any idea what he did with her."

"Maybe I can look at my old case files, and find something."

"Sixteen years later?"

"I just want to find her."

"So do I, but after all of these years," he begins.

"I know the statistics," she argues, "Don't quote them to me."

* * *

_May 1st 1993-_

_She knocks on the door, of his apartment. She waits a few seconds. He pulls it open._

_"Olivia? I thought you said I couldn't convince you."_

_"That's not why I'm here."_

_"Is this about a case?" he wonders._

_"Can I come in?"_

_He nods, "Of course," he steps aside._

_She steps in, and he closes the door behind her. _

_"Three dates, and then I never heard from you, again," he points out._

_"It wasn't that I didn't like you. I do like you."_

_"But?"_

_"Then my case load exploded. I've been so busy at work."_

_"You could have returned my phone calls."_

_"I'm sorry. We just have very different beliefs."_

_"That's ok. I really like you. I thought that you just weren't interested."_

_"I wasn't, really. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I don't have time for one."_

_"Oh," his face falls, "So what are you doing here, now?"_

_"I needed to talk to you."_

_"To let me down easy? You didn't have to do it in person. Most women wouldn't."_

_"No, not exactly."_

_"You came here, to tell me that you changed your mind?" he hopes._

_"No. I haven't changed my mind."_

_"So then what are you doing here? I haven't seen you in over a month. I haven't heard from you, in three weeks. What's going on? Obviously you don't want to be with me."_

_"Trevor, despite your occupation, I think that you're a really nice guy."_

_"But?"_

_"But like I said, I wasn't really looking for a relationship."_

_"Maybe, I'm the one," he suggests._

_"Maybe," she shrugs._

_"Look, I don't know what kind of game you're playing. If you have something to say, just spit it out. If you want to be with me, that's great. If you don't, I'll get over it."_

_"That isn't why I came."_

_"Why did you come?"_

_"I wanted to tell you in person."_

_"Obviously. What did you want to tell me?"_

_"I thought that you should know."_

_"Know, what?"_

_"I'm pregnant," she swallows hard, expecting him to freak out. _


	5. How Was I To Know?

"As much as I would love to stay, and wallow in misery, with you, I can't. I have to go to work today."

"How can you go to work, on a day like this?"

"It's just another day, Olivia. It has to be. Work is the only thing that keeps me sane."

"You usually don't work."

"I am trying to move on."

"How can you?"

"I'll let you know, when I figure it out," he admits.

He leaves the apartment. She locks the door, behind him. She sinks into the couch. She stares at the picture he's given her. A digitally altered image of their daughter. An image of what she might look like, now. Even if he had given up hope, he knew that she hadn't.

It didn't seem real, or even in the realm of possibility, most of the time. She had been married to him. She went out with him. What had she been thinking, dating a defense attorney? One stupid decision, lead to the worst night of her life.

She had to admit, though, it wasn't all bad. She had enjoyed being married. She didn't even mind being married to him. It was their secret. She was a young cop, who refused to take anything she didn't earn. She didn't want to be associated with the enemy.

And, when the baby came, she was working in evidence. Nobody knew her. When she got into the field, she didn't want to share. She left her rings at home. She didn't want anyone to know about her daughter. All she had ever wanted, was to protect her.

She couldn't even do that right. For nearly four years, she was happy. She had everything she ever wanted. A husband, and a child. A job that she loved, most days. A nice home. And she lost everything, in a single moment. It only took a split second for everything to disappear.

She blamed Trevor, for what happened. She had said things to him, that she could never take back. She walked away on their marriage, when she should have stayed. Now, she barely spoke to him. And when she saw him, in court, she just ignored him. It was easier. If she looked at him, she would see her, and that was just too much to bare.

* * *

_March 6th 1997-_

_He comes home from work, and he calls out for her. She doesn't answer. He looks all over the house, but he doesn't find her. Finally he heads down the hallway, to their daughter's room. He pushes the door open. He finds her sitting against the closet door, holding Cadence's stuffed dog. She sits there, sobbing. He enters the room. He takes a seat next to her._

_"Go away," she tells him._

_"I am not going anywhere, ever."_

_"Please, leave me alone," she begs._

_"No," he argues._

_"Why are you doing this to me?"_

_"Doing what?"_

_"This is your fault. You insisted that we take her to see your parents. You wanted them to watch her, so we could have a date night. Trevor we have been married for almost three years. We didn't need a date night. This is your fault. Now she's gone. My little girl is gone."_

_"Olivia, stop. It's not anyone's fault," he argues._

_"I hate you. You took her from me."_

_"I didn't take her."_

_"Someone broke into your parent's house, and they stole her from her bed. Tell me, who is to blame?" she grows angrier, with each word._

_"I don't know."_

_"Why weren't you watching her?"_

_"She was asleep."_

_"Why didn't you check the window?"_

_"Olivia you weren't there, you don't know what it was like."_

_"I drove two hours, on forty five minutes of sleep, to your parents house. You called me, in the middle of the night, to tell me that our daughter is missing."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"You're sorry?" she raises her voice, "Sorry isn't enough. Someone took our daughter. Sorry isn't going to bring her back."_

_"I know."_

_"We don't even know if she's still alive."_

_"Shh! Olivia, it's going to be ok."_

_"No, it's not. Don't you dare tell me that it is going to be ok," her nostrils flare, "Some sick bastard has my baby. I don't know if she's ok. I don't know if I will ever see her again. She's probably scared out of her mind. Don't tell me that it's going to be ok!" she screams._

_"Lower your voice," he warns._

_"What are you going to do, if I don't? Our daughter could be dead, and you're worried about how loud I'm being?"_

_He gets up, off the floor. He turns, and leaves the room. He closes the door, on his way out._

* * *

He sits across the table, from ADA Alexandra Cabot, at lunch, to discuss a plea arrangement, for his client. As she talks, he stares at his plate, in silence.

"Trevor?" she repeats.

He looks up, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Did you hear anything I just said?"

He shakes his head, "I'm sorry. I am just preoccupied."

"Are you ok? You've been awfully quiet."

"It's nothing," he lies.

"I just offered fifteen to twenty."

"Sounds good," he answers.

"Sounds good? You're not going to argue? That isn't like you. Trevor, what is going on?"

He shakes his head, "Nothing."

"Are you upset about something?"

"No," he lies.

"It's Valentine's day, do you have plans?"

"I don't do Valentine's day, Alex."

"You don't do Valentine's? Why not?"

"It's complicated," he admits.

"Trevor, I am surprised that you don't have a date. Any other time, you do."

"Never on Valentine's."

"Is there some reason?"

"Of course."

"Would you like to share?"

"Not particularly."

"You don't want a Valentine?"

"It is a stupid hallmark holiday," he tells her.


	6. Back Before The War

"You don't have to be hostile about it."

"I am sorry. I just don't celebrate Valentine's anymore."

"You had a bad experience?"

"It was the worst night of my life," he admits.

"It can't be that bad."

"Whatever you're imagining multiply it by a million, and that was how bad it was."

"Your Valentine stood you up?"

He swallows hard, "Alex, if I tell you the truth, will you promise me that you never tell anyone?"

"It can't be that serious," Alexandra argues.

"Just promise me."

"Ok," she agrees.

"February fourteenth is the anniversary of my daughter's disappearance."

"What?!"

"You heard me."

"I heard you. I just don't understand. I have known you for a long time. I never knew that you had a daughter."

"I never talk about it, ever."

"When did this happen?"

"Sixteen years ago, today."

"Sixteen years ago?" Alex questions.

"She was three."

"I never knew."

"I don't talk about it. I never told anyone, what happened. No one ever knew."

"No one ever knew that you had child?"

"A couple of people, at my old firm knew. I switched to the firm that I work at, now, when she was a year old. I chose not to tell people."

"Why wouldn't you tell people?"

"I am a defense attorney. I represent the scum of the earth. If one of them knew I had a child, it would have put her in danger."

"What happened?"

"I went to my parents house, in Connecticut, with her, for the weekend. It was going to be a four day weekend, for me. I wanted to spend all of it with my family. I was waiting, for her mother to meet us, she got caught up, at work. I woke up, in the middle of the night. I went to check on my daughter, and she was gone. They didn't find any evidence. They had no leads."

"They never found her?" Alex inquires.

"No. I don't know what happened to her. I don't even know if she's dead, or alive."

"I am so sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

"You could have told me."

"Her mother, and I agreed that we wouldn't tell anyone."

"Why not?"

"For me, it just makes sense, because of all the people I represent. For her, I couldn't tell you exactly. I think part of it was that she didn't want people to feel pity for her."

"Do the two of you still talk?"

"Occasionally. She blames me. We just couldn't make things work."

"So you're amicable?" Alex wonders.

"I wouldn't call it amicable. It's more of an understanding, I guess."

"What do you mean?"

"We only talk, when we have to."

"Which is when?"

"Today," he reveals.

"Once a year?"

"She hates me, she blames me, she doesn't really want anything to do with me."

"She makes an exception on the anniversary."

"She blames me, but she knows that I lost a child that day, too."

"So you commiserate?"

"We both have our own ways of dealing with things."

"But neither of your talk about it, to anyone, ever?"

"We talk about it, once a year, to each other."

"How can you only talk about it, once a year?"

"If we let ourselves think about it, and talk about it, more than that, it would probably consume us."

"How do you not think about it?"

"It is like putting a box, on the top shelf of the closet, and shoving way into the back. You always know that it's there, but after a while, you think about it, less, and less."

"So how old would she be, now?" Alex questions.

"She would be nineteen, now," he reveals.

"So you were how old?"

"I wasn't a kid, when she was born. I was twenty six."

"Sixteen years seems like a long time, never to move on."

"You weren't there," he reminds her.

"No, I wasn't."

"You don't know what it's like, to lose your whole world, in a second. Everything changed, after that," he admits.

"How so?" she questions.

"I never knew that I wanted to be a parent. Having her, was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was the happiest I've ever been. After she disappeared my whole life fell apart. My daughter was gone. My marriage fell apart. I just wasn't the same person, after that."

"You were married too?"

"Yeah," he nods.

"To her mother?"

"Yes," he confirms.

"Who was she?"

"It doesn't matter."

"What happened to her?"

"Nothing. We divorced, and we our separate ways."

"Did she ever remarry?"

"No. I doubt that she ever will. It took a part of her, that she's never going to get back."

"Will you?"

"I ask myself that, sometimes, but I honestly don't know."

"You sound certain, that she won't."

"I know her well enough to know, she won't ever open herself up to that kind of pain, again."


	7. What Do You Say

"Do you think that you'll ever find out what happened to her?"

He shrugs, "It's been sixteen years. Sometimes, I think that it's better to be left without answers. If I don't know, I can at least pretend, that she's still out there. I can hope that she's still alive, and that she's ok."

"They never had any leads?"

"No. There were never any. Whoever took her, was meticulous. The case went cold."

"I'm so sorry."

* * *

She sits in her apartment, staring at the bottle, on the coffee table. She stares at the empty glass, willing it to be full. She finds herself, having a battle of wills, with an inanimate object. She looks at the box, sitting in front of her. She puts the lid on the box, and sighs.

"Maybe he's right. Maybe it is time to move on." She gets off the couch, and returns the box to her closet. She turns off the light, and makes her way back to the living room. She pauses, to look at the bottle, knowing the path that it will lead her down. A path, she doesn't want to go down. She grabs her coat, keys, badge, and gun, and heads for the door.

"Maybe tomorrow," she adds, as she leaves the apartment.

* * *

She finds herself in a storage locker, in Queens. She could never understand why he picked Queens, for a storage locker. They had never lived in Queens. She parks the car, and takes the key out of the ignition. She gets out of the car. The gravel crunches under her shoes. She makes her way down the aisle, of the outdoor storage facility. She stops, at the door labeled 11. She sorts through her keys, to one she hasn't used, in years. She reaches for the lock, wondering if the locker even still belonged to him. Maybe it didn't. Maybe, he had moved on.

She sticks her key in the pad lock. She twists the key, and the lock pops open. She lifts the lock up, and pushes the door open. She steps inside, and flips the light switch on. She closes the door, behind her. The eight by eight is wall to wall shelves. On each shelf there are boxes, and boxes. She makes her way down the aisle.

She is thankful at how meticulous he had always been. She pulls the box off the shelf, from _Jan-Jul `97_. She pulls the lid off of it. She finds that the entire box is full of manila folders. Each is labeled, at the top, with a month, a year, a name, and win, or lose. She quickly files through the cases he was working on, from that year, before the disappearance. She finds nothing that stands out. She files all the way to the back, just in case she's missed something. Behind the last file, she finds something. She reaches inside, and pulls it out. It's a picture. A picture of the three of them, on Cadence's last birthday.

She blinks away tears. She often wondered what happened to all of the pictures. They had so many pictures of her. She had told him to get rid of them. She tucks the picture, back into the box, and replaces the lid. She puts it back on the shelf. She moves to the box, from the previous year. It doesn't take her long, to find a suspect. She takes the file, from the box, and leaves the storage locker. She locks the door behind her.

She finds herself, outside the storage unit, staring at her key ring. She tries to account for all of the keys. There were so many, and she can't remember what half of them go to. She reaches the storage locker key. She had the same key ring, for nearly twenty years, and never took the keys off it. She moves to the next key. It looks very similar to the key to the lock.

She tries it in the lock, but it doesn't work. She furrows her brow. She moves to the next locker, the one labeled 12. She finds the same type of lock on the door. She sticks the key in. She holds her breath, as she twists the key, in the lock. The lock pops open. She stops, frozen. She takes a deep breath, and wonders if she is prepared, for what is behind the door. She pushes the door open. She steps inside, and turns on the light.

She closes the door, behind her. The room is full of brown boxes. They are neatly arranged, and stacked. Each of them is labeled misc. They are of varying sizes. Two, in particular catch her eye. They sit next to each other. They are box copier paper boxes. She takes another deep breath, as she moves towards them. She lifts one of them, off the pile.

She moves to the middle of the eight, by ten room. There is an old card table, and a chair, in the center of the room. She takes a seat, and places the box, on the table. She reluctantly lifts the lid off the box.

She finds that the box is full of picture albums. That is something she had forgotten about. he had meticulous, about a lot of things. The albums are in the box, spine up. Each album has a range of dates, on them. She had nearly forgotten how many pictures they had taken. There is an album, for every three months. At one point, there is an album, for a single month. This is the one that attracts her attention. She pulls it out.

She pushes the box, away from her, towards the middle of the table. She flips the album open, knowing what pictures are inside. An entire album dedicated to the first month of her daughter's life. She chokes back tears. She slowly, and painfully flips through each page. After a while, she finally reaches the back page. On the last page, in the last slot, she finds that there is no picture. Instead, she finds an envelope. She pulls it out. It doesn't have anything, on the front.

The envelope isn't sealed. She opens the flap, and pulls out the contents. She pulls out the paper, and unfolds it. She begins to read.

_Olivia,_

_I hope that one day you will find this letter. I pray that by the time you do, you have forgiven me, that I have forgiven me, too. And, most of all, I hope that our daughter is back in our arms. I know that you blame me, and I am probably deserving. If I hadn't insisted on taking her to my parents, she wouldn't have been taken. I miss her, so much. _

_I miss you, too. You left, ten days ago. You asked me to draft our divorce papers. Most couples fight, about what they want, but in dividing up the assets, I can't think of a single thing that I want. I just want you, and our daughter, back. I never imagined that something that was so unexpected would have brought me so much joy. Now it's all gone, and everything has changed. _

_You should know, I still love you. _

_Trevor_

She folds up the paper, and returns it to the envelope. She places the envelope back in the album, and the album back in the box. Tears stream down her face. The overwhelming sadness makes her feel as if she's being dragged into a deep, dark hole.

She goes to the next album. She opens the cover, and finds another letter. She opens it, too. This one, isn't addressed to her.

_Dearest Cadence,_

_You have been gone, for fourteen days. I don't know where you are, or who took you. I just know, that your mother, and I are lost without you. We both love you so much. All we want, is for you to be safe, and back in our arms. _

_I hope that one day, you will read this, and you will know how much we loved you. I hope you'll be here, with us, and that you will be unscathed, by the situation. I never imagined that I could love you, as much as I do. _

_Dad_


	8. Nobody Dies From A Broken Heart

It's afternoon, when she gets to his office. The receptionist greets her.

"Can I help you?"

"I am here to see Mr. Langan."

"Is he expecting you?"

"No."

"Do you have an appointment?"

Olivia flashes her badge, "Just tell him that detective Benson is here to see him."

"I don't know if he can see you, right now."

"Just do it," Olivia insists.

The receptionist picks up the phone, and dials his extension, "Mr. Langan, there is a detective Benson here to see you. Ok," she hangs up.

"And?"

"He said to send you back," she reveals, as she attempts to get up, from her chair.

"I can find my way," Olivia tells her.

"Ok," she nods.

Olivia makes her way to Trevor's office. She closes the door, behind her. He sits at his desk. She approaches him, with a file, in her hand.

"That is different receptionist, than the last time I was here," she opens.

"The last time you were here, was nearly sixteen years ago, to sign divorce papers," he reminds her.

"I guess that is true."

"What are you doing here?"

She holds up a file, "Do you remember Jake Fuller?"

He shrugs, "I don't know."

She slides the file, across his desk. He looks at the file, and then looks at her.

"You went to Queens?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"I remember that he wasn't very happy with me. I got him a deal, though."

"He had a terminally ill child, right?" Olivia recalls, from her earlier reading.

"Yes. A daughter, she had leukemia. He was to serve ten years, after his daughter went into remission."

"His daughter was four. Her name was Amber."

"I remember."

"That is what the file says," she adds.

"I know. She died."

"And, what happened to him?"

"He was supposed to go to jail."

"Did he?"

He tries to think back, "He never appeared, to turn himself in. He still has an outstanding warrant for his arrest. Why are you bringing this up?"

"His daughter died, a week, before Cadence disappeared."

"You think he had something to do with her disappearance?"

She shrugs, "My gut says that he does. Why didn't his name ever come up, in the investigation?"

"I don't know."

"I'm going to try to track him down."

"You're going to need help."

"I am pretty good, with a computer."

"You still might need help."

"I'll handle it."

"Olivia, have a seat."

"Why?"

"Please," he asks, cordially.

She takes a seat, across the desk, from him, "What's going on?"

"There is something that I want to tell you."

"Ok?"

"I don't want you to be blind-sided."

"About what?"

"I told Alex."

"You told her what?"

"She was harassing me, about not celebrating Valentine's day."

"You should have ignored her," Olivia's nostrils flare.

"Just listen," he begs.

She folds her arms, across her chest, "Fine," she huffs.

"I told her that it was the day my daughter disappeared."

"Why?"

"Because I am tired of carrying this secret around with me, all of time."

"And do you feel better now?"

"I didn't tell her about us. I didn't tell her much. I said that she disappeared. I didn't even say her name. I didn't mention you, so you have nothing to worry about."

"Why would you tell her?"

"She's a friend, I felt that I owed her an explanation."

"You don't owe her, anything."

"I wanted to tell her."

"I have to go. I need to..."

He cuts her off, "Just like I know you want to tell someone. I know that you hate me, you don't want to share, anything, with me."

"I have to go," she pushes her chair out, and storms off.

* * *

Hours later, she finds herself knocking on the door, of Jake Fuller's ex-wife. After knocking, someone answers the door.

"Are you Emily Carlton?"

"Yes," the woman confirms.

"I am detective Benson."

"You're here about Jake?"

"What makes you assume that?"

"That is the only time cops ever come to my door."

"I am looking for some answers," she admits.

"About the murder he committed?"

Olivia shakes her head, "No. There was a little girl, who disappeared, a week, after your daughter passed away. Can you tell me, about when he left, and under what circumstances?"

"Her funeral was three days later. After it was over, he told me he was going for a drive, to clear his head."

"Do you have any idea, where he may have gone?"

"Not really."

"And you never saw him, again?"

"No."

"You're sure?"

"About a year ago, I went to a car shop, to have my car worked on. When I was talking to the mechanic I saw a guy, who reminded me, a lot of Jake."

"Was it him?"

"I couldn't be sure. He looked so different. Jake was always so clean cut. This guy had a hat on, and full beard. Jake never grew a beard, when we were together. His eyes, reminded me a lot of Jake, though."

"Can you tell me the name of the garage?"

"Yeah, but I think it closed."


	9. And Still

Before the day is over, she finds herself at the garage. It is now a junkyard. She approaches the desk.

"Are you the owner?" she questions.

"I am."

"Do you know who owned the garage, that was here, about a year ago?"

"I did."

She pulls out a picture, "Do you recognize this man?"

He takes the picture, and studies it carefully. "I can't be sure. It looks a lot like Jay Granger. Jay always had a beard, while he worked for me, though."

"He doesn't work for you, anymore?"

"He got a better job."

"Do you still have his information?"

"What's this about."

"A crime he may have committed."

"A crime? Not Jay. He's an upstanding citizen. He was a great employee. He was always on time, took pride in his work, I was sad to see him go."

"What made him leave?"

"Like I said, he got a better job. He, and his wifer were having another kid, so he needed a better paying gig," he digs into a box, under the desk. He files through, and pulls out an index card. He hands it to Olivia.

"Thank you."

"You can keep it, I don't need it, anymore."

"Thanks," Olivia leaves.

The address proves to be a bust. She dials the phone number, on the card. She expects the other end to tell her that the number has been disconnected. After several rings, someone picks up.

"Hello?"

"Yes, I am calling to speak to Jay Granger."

"He's not here, right now."

"I have this number listed as his cell phone."

"He left it on the kitchen counter, before work, this morning."

"Who am I speaking to?"

"This is Amy, I'm his wife. Who is this? What is this about?"

"My name is detective Benson. His name came up, as a person of interest in my investigation."

"Of what?" she questions.

"A kidnapping, of a little girl, about sixteen years ago."

"He didn't kidnap anyone."

"Is there some other way I can reach him."

Instead of an answer, she is hung up on. Olivia slams the phone down. She considers throwing it, but since her TV is in close proximity she opts not to. She sits it down, on the coffee table.

She looks at her watch. It's nearly ten pm. She gets off the couch, and heads towards the bathroom, for a shower. She's halfway there, when someone knocks on the door. She groans, and makes her way to the door. She unlocks it, without looking out the peephole. She pulls it open, without asking who it is. Trevor stands in the doorway, just looking at her.

"Are you going to come in?"

"You didn't even check the peephole."

"In, or out," she insists.

He steps into the apartment. She closes the door, behind him.

"Did you find anything out?"

"I think that I found the guy."

"Who took her?"

Olivia shrugs, "I don't know about that."

"What guy?"

"Jake Fuller. He's living under a different name now."

"Did you look him up?"

"I did some detective work, and I managed to talk to his wife."

"In person?"

"On the phone," she admits, in disappointment.

"Is there anything I can do?" he wonders, as she rubs her temples.

"No."

"You have a headache?"

"Yeah."

"I can fix it, if you want," he suggests.

"I'm fine. I took some Tylenol."

"It's a tension headache," he points out.

"I know. It's my head."

"Tylenol doesn't work, on your tension head aches."

"It was either Tylenol, or tequila."

"You probably should have gone with tequila."

"Too late, now."

"Sit," he insists.

"I'll be fine."

"Sit," he scowls at her.

"Fine," she takes a seat on the couch. He takes a seat, next to her.

"Just relax," he reminds her.

"Never going to happen."

He starts massaging her shoulders. He gently manipulates her neck. He rubs her head, and then moves in the opposite direction. She turns around, as he's rubbing her shoulders.

"I forgot about how good you were, at this."

"I am sure there are a lot of things that you have forgotten."

"For example?" she asks, innocently.

He kisses her. After it's over, she just looks at him. "What did you do that, for?"

"Because you forgot."

"Forgot what? I haven't forgotten the fact that we're divorced, have you?"

"You have forgotten all of the good. You spend all of your time focused on the bad. You focus on the bad, and you can't see the good."

"It's hard," she admits.

"We had a good marriage. We had a good relationship. We had chemistry. There was a lot of good there."

"One night, ruined it all."

He presses his finger to her lips. "Don't. For once, let's not think about it. Can we forget about it, for just one night?"

She stares into his big blue eyes. She feels her breath hitch, as she realizes how close he is, to her. She doesn't say anything. She feels herself being drawn in.

He can see her mind rationalizing, trying to reel her in. He knows that given the opportunity, she'll be cautious. She won't let herself go. He smiles at her, and then he goes for it.

He presses his lips against her. She lets him kiss her. And, for a moment she forgets.


	10. Falling Out Of Love

She feels her legs turn to jello. His hand cups her face, near her jaw-line. He pulls her closer. She moves towards him. Without a second thought she reaches for his jacket. It slips onto the cushion of the couch. His fingers slip to the buttons on her shirt. She reaches for his tie. It doesn't take long, for it to fall to the floor.

Three A.M. comes early. The sound of her phone, shrilling on the bedside stand, next to her head, wakes her up. Her first instinct is to keep her eyes closed, and roll towards it. She finds that she's unable to go anywhere. There is an arm wrapped around her. She pushes it off, and rolls towards the ringer. She grabs the phone, in the nick of time. She pulls it to her ear.

"Benson," she answers, "Ok. Yeah, I'll be there shortly," he hangs up the phone.

She hangs up the phone, and flips on the lamp. She looks to her left, and finds that her sheets are tangled around her. She looks at the naked man, who lays on his side, on the other side of the bed. He is barely covered by the sheet. She silently curses herself. She untangles herself, from the sheet. She grabs her phone, and slides out of the bed.

"Where are you going?" he questions, with his face planted in a pillow.

"I have a crime scene to get to. Show yourself the way out."

"What time is it?"

She looks at the clock, "Three after three."

"Can I finish sleeping?"

"Whatever," she rolls her eyes, as she heads to the bathroom, for a shower.

* * *

She makes it to the crime scene, forty minutes later. She ducks under the tape, and joins her partner, around a dead body.

"Where's Warner?" Olivia questions.

"On her way," Amanda reveals.

"I just love three am wake up calls," Olivia growls.

"Especially when you don't get any sleep," Amanda raises an eyebrow, looking at her suspiciously.

Olivia looks at the body, and then looks up at her partner, "What are you talking about?"

"You smell like shampoo."

"Last time that I checked, that wasn't a crime. And I have smelled of much worse things."

"Like you just got out of the shower," Amanda continues with her train of thought.

"Still not a crime," Olivia adds.

"What would possess you to take a shower, at three o'clock in the morning?"

Olivia clams up, she breaks eye contact, and focuses on the body, lying on the ground.

"Maybe to avoid a walk of shame?" Amanda proposes.

Olivia looks at her sharply, but says nothing.

"Which," Amanda adds, "would not be any of my business, so, I am just going to shut up, now."

"For how long?" Olivia responds.

"I'll let you know," she answers, as Melinda ducks under the crime scene tape, and comes towards them.

* * *

Hours later, they leave the precinct, and make a coffee run, on their way to inform the family of the victim. Olivia parks the car. Amanda gets out, without a word. A few minutes later, she returns with warm beverages, and muffins. She hands one of the cups to Olivia. Olivia sticks it in the cup holder, and puts the car into drive. They pull away from the curb.

"What's wrong with you?" Amanda comes right out, and asks the question on her mind.

"It would be difficult for me to narrow it down to just one thing," Olivia answers, angrily.

"Today. What is wrong with you today?"

"I'm fine," Olivia lies.

"If you want to lie to yourself, that's fine, but it isn't fair to lie to me."

"Drop it, Rollins," Olivia insists.

"You're just in such a bad mood."

Olivia rolls her eyes, and grips the steering wheel. "Everyone is entitled to have a bad day, now, and then."

"You were off yesterday," Amanda reminds her.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't want to talk about anything," Amanda calls her out on the carpet.

"Excuse me for being in a bad mood, it's eight o'clock, and I've been up for five hours, already."

"So, have I, but I am not taking it out on my partner."

"I'm sorry."

"Why is it so hard for you to share anything with me?"

"We're partners. We're not friends, we're not buddies. You don't need to all the personal details of my life."

"I know that you've had a couple of partners, in a couple of years. I know you don't want to get attached, but, get over yourself."

"Amanda," she says, sharply, "drop it."

"Obviously you don't like Valentine's day, why not?"

"I said, drop it."

"You don't have to be bitter."

Olivia looks over at her, "I am not bitter."

"You're over forty, and don't have a Valentine. That would make me bitter."

"Rollins, at the rate you're going, you're going to be just like me."

"That hurts."

"Do you ever think about what you say, before you say it?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"I wasn't alone, on Valentine's day, anyway."

"I knew it!"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Something else," Olivia tries to move on.

"Why haven't you ever been married?"

Olivia nearly chokes. She maintains her composure, and asks, "Where did that come from?"

"You've never been married. Why not? Have you ever come close?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"No one ever measured up to your standards?"

"Something like that," Olivia rolls her eyes.

"No one was ever the one you wanted. No one was ever Elliot."

"You're crossing a line."

"Why haven't you ever been married?"

"It isn't any of your damn business!"

"Obviously I've struck a chord."

"Can't you just mind your business."

"I just want to know."

"I am married to my job."

"That is no excuse."

"You nothing about me, or my life, so just drop it."


	11. The Bridge You Burn

Later that night, she makes it home, late. She closes her door, behind her, and makes a beeline, for the shower, after locking the door. She showers, and changes into pajamas. When she reaches her bed, she finds that it has been neatly made. She opens the drawer, of her nightstand, and sticks her gun inside. She finds a folded piece of paper, on her nightstand. Her name is scrawled on the outside.

She opens it up, and reads it to herself. _Sorry about last night. -Trevor._ She crumples it into a ball, and throws it, at the wall. She crawls into bed, and it hits her. That feeling, in the pit of your stomach, when you're alone. The one you get, when you know you're going to go to a place you don't want to be. Her mind begins to roam, as she flips off the lamp.

Had it all been her fault? She was to blame, for all of it. She never should have told Trevor that she was even pregnant. He never would have found out. Then she would have her daughter, now. Marrying Trevor had been a mistake, anyway. Hadn't it?

And, now her daughter was gone. She had been gone, for sixteen years. She was so selfish. She had chosen to work that day, instead of taking it off. She should have gone with her husband, and daughter, when they left the city. If she had, maybe she would still be with them. She wasn't even there, when her little girl disappeared from Trevor's parent's home.

She wasn't there to protect her. To keep her safe, from the evil, in the world. Instead, her daughter was taken. She could still hear the conversation, they had, that night, too.

* * *

_February 14th 1997-_

_She sits in the kitchen, in silence. Her husband sits across the table from her. She stares at her cup of coffee. Then she catches the picture on the fridge, of her little girl. She looks up at her husband. He stares at his cup, at a loss, for words. She shakes her head, and scoots her chair out._

_"I can't do this. I can't just sit here, and wait for them to find her."_

_"What are you going to do?"_

_"I am going to find her."_

_"Olivia," he tries to reason with her._

_"No. You can't stop me," she rages, "My little girl, is out there, somewhere. She is scared, and lonely, and she needs me. I am going to find her."_

_"You don't even know where to look."_

_She grabs her car keys, off the kitchen counter. "Well, she's not here, is she?" _

* * *

And, that was the truth. She wasn't there. She was gone. She didn't even know, if her daughter, was, dead, or alive. She didn't like to go there, that place, where she let herself think that thought. Her daughter could be dead. She could picture it in her mind, too. A shallow, unmarked grave, in a remote location, somewhere in Connecticut, where she would never be found.

Maybe, she would never find her. Maybe, she would never know. Was she planning the rest of her life, stuck? Sure, she had other relationships, after Trevor, but none of them ever worked out, she wouldn't let them. She couldn't let go. She didn't know how to let go. She had given up on their marriage, years ago, but she could never give up on hope. She was still holding onto hope, that her daughter was out there, somewhere. She couldn't give up, on her little girl.

Little girl? If she was alive, she wouldn't be a little girl, anymore. She would be nineteen. Old enough to be in college, or even to have a child, of her own. She couldn't picture her. In her mind, she was still three years old, with dark hair, and bright eyes.

She was such a happy little girl. She had brought them so much joy. Joy, that they didn't even know that they could feel. It was strange, how something so small, could change so many things. And now, she was gone. How could she ever move on?

She rolls onto her side, and puts the pillow over her head. She pulls the covers up, and tries to block out the sound, of her own thoughts. She lies there, in the dark, for over an hour, before sleep finally finds her.

* * *

He lies awake, in his bed. The moonlight illuminates the room, through the window. He lies there, staring at the ceiling, in silence. After an hour, he climbs out of bed. He wanders into the closet, and pulls out his own box of secrets. She had hers, and he had his. His is smaller. He slides it out, of the back of the closet.

He turns on the light, and takes a seat, on the floor of the closet. He lifts off the lid, of the shoe box. On the top, he finds just what he's looking for. A picture. It's funny how one picture could say so many things. It's of the three of them. They're at his parents house, on Easter Sunday. Cadence's first Easter. She's a chubby little baby, in a frilly purple dress. She's in her mother's arms. Olivia is kissing her head. His arms are around the both of them.

It is one of his favorite pictures. One, that hadn't been planned. His mother just snapped it. It is one of his favorite. Most of the things, the people he loved, hadn't been planned, he realizes.

He never intended to fall in love with Olivia Benson. He had a drink, at a bar with her, one night. By their first official date, he was already head over heels in love with her. And, the day she told him that she was pregnant, he knew it was meant to be. He loved them both, so much.

He pulls out another picture. He smiles, thinking back to the day that it was taken. It's a picture of Olivia, when she was his wife. She's asleep, in a chair, on their balcony, early one fall. She's several months pregnant, and her hand rests on her stomach. She has a baby name book, on her chest.

A picture he treasures, and that he's never even shown her. His two favorite girls, in the whole world. The sadness washes over him, in an instant. Now, he doesn't have either of them. One, just across town, in her bed. The other... he chokes up, at the thought, trying to push it out of his mind. The one, that may not even exist anymore.

He puts the pictures back in the box. He closes the lid, on the shoe box, and shoves it into the back of the closet.

He knows that it's wrong, as he puts the key into the lock. He carefully, and quietly opens the door. He steps inside, and locks the door behind him. It takes him a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He tiptoes through the apartment.

He makes it through the living room, towards her bedroom. He stops, at the door. It is halfway open. He slips inside. He stops, beside her bed. The moonlight, comes in, through her blinds. It shines on the bed. He stares at her, as she sleeps. She lays on her side, facing the window. She looks so peaceful, as she's sleeping.

He can't help himself. He silently moves the covers. He crawls into the bed, next to her. He watches for several seconds. She doesn't stir. He pulls the covers back over the two of them. She still doesn't make a peep. He relaxes, and wraps his arms around her.


	12. Talking In Your Sleep

The sound of her alarm, wakes her up. Just as she's about to open her eyes, and reach over, to turn it off, it stops. She hears someone hit the snooze button. Suddenly instead of half asleep, she's wide awake. She doesn't open her eyes. She feels her heart nearly stop, as she realizes that she's not alone. It hits her, like a ton of bricks, that she is not in bed alone. She feels the arm wrapped around her.

Yet, still she doesn't open her eyes. Even though she feels the warm body, nestled closely, behind her. She swallows hard, trying not to have a panic attack. She reaches up, and feels the arm that is snaked around her. It only takes a second, for the panic to dissipate. She opens her eyes, and looks at the arm. She recognizes the arm, from touch, before she even sees it. She rolls over, underneath his arm.

She stares at him, face to face. His blue eyes are wide open. He doesn't move an inch. He just looks at her. He waits for her to say something.

"You have crossed a line," she begins.

His hand raises. He tucks the hair behind her ear. His hand lingers, along her jaw line. He stares into her dark brown eyes.

"I'm not sorry," he admits.

"Excuse me?" She furrows her brow.

"I'm not sorry," he repeats, "I know that I crossed a line, but I'm not sorry."

"Trevor," she begins to scold him.

He cuts her off. He presses his finger to her lips, "I am not sorry, because you were right."

"I was right?"

"I haven't moved on."

"Obviously. You broke into my apartment, in the middle of the night, and got into bed with me."

"I had a key," he defends himself.

"That is beside the point."

"I am not going to say that I'm sorry."

"Why not?"

"I haven't moved on. I cant move on," he reveals.

"Trevor. We are over," she reminds him.

"We are divorced. I know that."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I still love you."

"That doesn't matter. That isn't the point."

"It's not?" she raises an eyebrow.

"I think you still love me, too. Obviously, there is still something between us."

She presses her hand against his chest, "As much as I would love to have this conversation," she replies, sarcastically, "I have to go, or I'll be late for work."

"I can give you a reason to stay," he tells her.

She looks at him. She begins to argue. He stops her, before a single word can come out. He presses his lips against hers. When he is done kissing her, he lets go of her. He climbs out of the bed, and leaves the apartment.

She sits up, and turns the alarm clock off. She shakes her head, and furrows her brow.

"What was that?" she questions herself, as she hears the door close.

She gets to work a few minutes earlier than usual. After all, on a normal day, she would hit snooze, at least twice, before getting out of bed. She sips a cup of tea, as she waits for her colleagues to arrive.

* * *

She hears footsteps, coming towards her. She expects her partner. As she looks up, she finds an unfamiliar face. She turns around, towards the stranger, who enters the squad room.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for detective Benson," the woman informs her.

"I am detective Benson. What can I do for you?" she wonders.

"I think that I can help you," she reveals.

"Have a seat," Olivia offers, pointing to the chair next to her desk.

"My name is Amy, we spoke on the phone, the other day."

"Yes, I remember."

"I think that I was wrong about Jay," the woman, in her late thirties reveals.

"What makes you say that?"

"When he got home, I mentioned it to him," the blonde adds.

"What did he have to say?"

"He didn't say anything. He didn't argue. He said absolutely nothing. I left him alone, I went to bed. I was halfway asleep, when I heard the door slam."

"Where did he go?"

She shrugs, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

"Do you have any idea where he may have gone?"

"No. I called everyone, and everywhere that I thought he would go. No one knows where he went."

"He's in the wind."

"How could he do that? We have four children. What am I supposed to tell them?" she asks, in tears.

"Did he take anything with him?"

"His gun, some clothes, and some cash."

"Did he take his car?"

"He took his old truck. I didn't even know that it still ran. It has been sitting in the garage for a better part of a year."

"What kind of truck?"

"A Ford ranger. He's had it longer than we've been married. I think that it is a ninety one."

"Color?"

"Grey."

"Ok. I'll put out a Bolo on him. Hopefully we'll find him. I'll call you, if we find out anything."

"Ok. Thank you."

"Call me, if you see him, or he contacts you."

"Ok," she nods, in agreement.

The woman leaves the squad room, just as Fin is coming in. He looks at Olivia, sitting a cup of tea in front of her.

"Thanks."

"Who was that?"

Olivia shrugs.

"Something going on?"

"I need a favor," she admits.

"Name it."

"I need you to cover for me. There is something that I have to do."

"No."

"No?! I have covered for you, before."

"Whatever it is, you shouldn't do it, alone."

"That is the only way."

"Liv, come on, please."

"Never mind," she growls.


	13. It Just Has To Be This Way

She waits for the Captain to arrive. She tells him she has something personal that she has to take care of. He tells that he can have a couple of hours, and then she is to help Fin, with his case. An hour, and a half later, Fin returns to the precinct. He finds that Olivia isn't there. On a hunch, he heads for the elevator.

He knows whatever she's doing, she needs privacy. He finds himself, standing in front of a clerk, at evidence lock up. He flashes his badge, to the clerk.

"Can I help you?" he questions.

Fin nods, "Yeah, I'm looking for my partner."

"She's back there, somewhere."

"Do you know where?"

"Just back there, somewhere."

"What did she ask for?"

"She didn't. She said that it was better if she found it, herself. She said that she would know it, when she saw it."

"Let me in?"

"Yep," he nods.

The gate opens, and Fin heads through the opening. He makes his way back the dimly lit aisles. Several aisles in he finds an open area, with a table. He finds her sitting there, with a case file, and her phone. She quickly collects her papers, and puts them back into the file, when she hears his footsteps. He pulls out the chair, next to her. He takes a seat. She holds onto the file.

"You gonna tell me what's going on, now?"

"No. Why are you here?"

"You're supposed to help me with my case," he reminds her.

"Ok," she agrees, pushing her chair back.

"Wait, Liv. Tell me what's going on," he begs, in a genuine tone.

She hands him the file. He thumbs through it. He cocks his head.

"I don't understand. Why are you looking into a murder that happened seventeen years ago?"

"It's not the murder that I'm looking into. The case was closed."

"Where did you get this file? Not from here."

"No."

"Why are you here? Are you reviewing this case?"

"I just wanted somewhere with some privacy."

"I can understand that, I guess. You wanna tell me what's going on?"

"I can't."

"Then at least tell me what your interest in this guy is."

"I am just trying to find him."

"Because?"

"For reasons that I don't want to talk about."

"Ok."

"We should go."

"Ok," he nods. They leave the table, and head for the exit.

"Can I ask you something?"

She simply shrugs.

"It took me a long time to notice, that you take every Valentine's day off. I feel like a shitty detective, that I didn't notice sooner. What is that about?"

"I can't talk about it."

"Can't, or won't?"

She looks him in the eye, "Do you want help with your case?"

"Yeah," he nods.

"Then I can't."

"Why not?"

"It's a can of worms that you don't want to open," she insists.

"How long have we worked together?"

"A long time," she admits.

"You can tell me. You know your secret is safe with me."

"I have no doubt that it would be, I just can't tell you."

"Ok," he nods, respectfully.

* * *

That night, when she gets off work, she doesn't go home. Instead, she goes to the other side of town. She finds herself standing at his door, willing herself to knock. She is about to turn, and leave, when the door opens. He pulls the door open, and looks at her.

"I..." she stares at him, unsure of what to say.

"Olivia, my neighbor called, said that there was woman who had been standing outside of my door, for the past ten minutes. She was concerned," he explains.

"Oh."

"Would you like to come in?"

She shrugs. "I don't think so."

"Please, come in," he insists.

She steps into the apartment. He closes the door, behind her. She stands there, in silence.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"No," she shakes her head. "Tell me something," she insists.

"Ok," he agrees.

"Do you think that if we hadn't got divorced, when we did, that we would still be together?"

"I don't know."

"I don't think that we would," she admits.

"You do have a tendency to push people away."

"You're right, I do. I don't think that we would have made it, regardless."

"We would have, if we had gotten her back."

"Yeah, but that didn't happen. We don't have her. We don't know where she is. We will probably never know where she is."

"And it kills you," he points out.

"Doesn't it kill you?"

"More than you know."

"There is no closure. I don't know if she's dead or alive. I don't know if what I'm feeling is grief that she's dead, or just grief, that I don't get to know her."

"We had three of the most amazing years with her. Those were the best three years of my life."

"I know. Look, I didn't come here, to reminisce."

He cuts her off, "Then what did you come here, for?"

"To tell you, that I don't want this."

"I don't believe you."

"I won't deny that I miss you. I won't even pretend that sometimes I don't wish that we were still married. The thing is, we can't do this. It isn't healthy. No matter how much we want this, we can't have it. We aren't good for each other."

"You still want this. We should be together. We were meant for each other."

"It doesn't matter."

"You can't just choose to be unhappy. It isn't fair," he raises his voice, "I know this whole situation is unfair. I get that, but you can't just decide that if she's not here, neither one of us can be happy. I get a choice, too."

"No," she shakes her head, "you don't."

"I choose you."

She turns and walks away. She leaves the apartment, without another word. By the time she makes it home, she's sobbing.


	14. For Herself

After a couple of days, she hits a brick wall. The days turn into weeks, and the weeks into a couple of months. She doesn't feel any closer to finding Cadence, that she was sixteen years earlier.

She's sitting at her desk, in the squad room. She finishes the paperwork that she's been working on. She looks up, and finds that the squad room is nearly empty. Almost everyone else has gone home for the night. The case wrapped up, hours ago, and most of her teammates have chosen to leave, instead of catching up on paperwork. She finds Fin working diligently, at his desk.

She pushes her chair out, and flips off her lamp. She pulls open the drawer of her desk, and grabs her purse, and phone. She walks over to Fin's desk. She stands there, patiently, silently, waiting for him to finish. He looks up at her.

"You don't have to wait on me, if you don't want to. Everyone else left for the night."

"Can this wait?" she wonders pointing to the stack of papers.

"You know I love any excuse not to do paperwork. What do you have in mind?"

"A bite to eat?"

"Yeah," he nods, in agreement, closing his case file, and putting the pen back in the basket.

He follows her out. He lets her drive. They wind up at a diner, a couple of blocks away. The waitress takes their orders, and brings them their beverages. Fin looks at her, suspiciously.

"You weren't trying to rescue me from paperwork, were you?"

"That was not my main objective, no."

"So what was your main objective?"

"I think that it's time that I told you the truth," she admits.

"About what?'

"About what's been bothering me," she replies.

"Ok," he agrees.

"It's complicated."

He nods, "You're complicated."

"And, it isn't something that I talk about."

"You don't like to talk about things, in general."

"I don't talk about it."

"You can talk to me. You can trust me. I'll take your secrets to my grave."

"I trust that, that's why we're here. Fin, I have never told anyone this."

"Oh. I see."

"It isn't something that I ever want to talk about. It is hard enough to even think about it."

"So why are you bringing it up, all of the sudden?"

"Because I have run out of options. There isn't anything else I know to do. I seem to have hit a wall."

"You need my help?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"This is about the murderer you were trying to track down?"

"I don't really care about the murder that he committed."

"You don't care about the murder?"

"I care about the murder, but that isn't why I'm looking for him."

"So why are you looking for him?"

She furrows her brow, and breaks eye contact. She looks at her bottle of water. She stares at the label.

"Liv?" he looks at her.

She tries to think of a good place to begin. She swallows hard, and decides that she should just go for it. "Fin, there are a lot of things that you don't know about me."

"There are a lot of things that you don't know about me," he points out.

"Things, that I don't tell anyone. Things I have never told anyone."

"Like, what? You root for the Red Sox?"

She shakes her head, "No."

"So, nothing that serious?"

"It is very serious," she admits.

"Just tell me," he encourages her.

"I was married," she manages to choke out.

"Excuse me?"

"I was married."

"You were married? When?"

"It was a long time ago."

"How long ago?"

"About twenty years ago."

"Was it a drunken mistake that happened in Atlantic City?" he queries.

"It lasted longer than that," she admits.

"I can't believe you've ever been married. Why wouldn't you tell me that?"

"I have never told anyone that."

"Elliot?"

"I never told anyone, not even Elliot."

"Someone had to know."

"My mother knew," she admits.

"That doesn't count. There are a lot of things my mother knew about me, no one else did."

"I try to leave the past in the past," she adds.

"How long were you married for?"

"Four years," she reveals.

"Four years?! That is a big deal. I thought you mean for a couple weeks, or a month, until you got it annulled, or something, so it didn't really count."

"No," she shakes her head.

"You were married for four years?"

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"It ended," she answers.

"How?"

"We got a divorce."

"So nothing happened to him?"

She shakes her head, "No."

"Why did you get divorced?"

"There were a lot of reasons."

"Yeah, but usually there is one big one. There is always a straw that breaks the camel's back."

"There was a big one."

"What was it?"

She reaches into her bag. She pulls out a worn manila file. She places it on the table. She slides it across, to him. He looks at it, and looks up at her.

"How long have you been carrying this around, with you?"

"Too long," she admits.


	15. Is There Life Out There?

He begins to read the case report, that is at the beginning of the file. He reads slowly, but halfway down, he stops, abruptly. He looks up at her, in confusion.

"I don't understand."

"I was married, in Connecticut. It was where his parents lived," she clarifies.

"Trevor Langan? You were married to the enemy?"

She simply nods, on the verge of a breakdown.

"And, you had a daughter?"

Olivia doesn't say anything.

"Olivia, that is huge. The two of you had a child, together?"

She just nods, knowing that if she says anything, she'll start crying, and won't be able to stop.

"You had a child?" he repeats.

"Yes," she manages to squeak out.

"A little girl?"

She nods, again. He studies her face. He looks into her dark brown eyes. Suddenly the lasting sense of torment, and anguish make sense to him. It's like the last puzzle piece, falling into place. He breaks eye contact, and continues reading. She waits, silently for him to get through the file. When he finishes it, he closes the file, and looks up at her.

"Someone took her," Olivia adds.

"Did they ever find her?"

"No," she shakes her head, "It was a small town, in Connecticut. It was a small police force. They never had any leads."

"They had no clue what happened to her?"

She shakes her head, "No."

"And they never figured out who took her?"

"No, but I think I did," she admits.

"The murderer?"

"He made a deal. He didn't have to start his sentence, until his daughter was in better health. She had cancer."

"He didn't turn himself in."

"He disappeared, after she died."

"What makes you think it was him?"

"Trevor represented him."

"What happened to him?"

"I tracked him down."

"To where?"

"It doesn't matter. I spoke to his wife. She confronted him."

"He bolted?"

"I have no idea where he went."

"Olivia, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just help me find her."

"I can do that."

"I am just so tired. I have been trying to find her, for sixteen years. I just want to know what happened to her. If I can never see her again, it would break my heart, but if I could just have some closure, I think I could move on."

"You never move on."

"Not so far," she points out.

"Liv, whatever you want me to do, I will."

"Thanks."

"Can I take this, and see what I can find?"

"Yeah," she agrees.

"So, you and Trevor? I never would have seen that."

"He's a decent person."

"He's motivated by money."

She shakes her head, "He's motivated by winning."

"That's the same thing, isn't it?"

She shrugs, "He's not a bad person."

"Why did you get a divorce, then?"

"I couldn't stay married to him. I couldn't look at him, every single day, and know there was something missing. It was just easier, to walk away."

"Was it really?" he raises an eyebrow.

"Most of the time, I think so."

"But that's not really true, is it?"

* * *

That night, when she gets home, it hits her that it's May 10th. She climbs into bed, after a quick shower, and hopes to get some sleep. Before she can doze off, her phone is ringing. Without looking, she knows exactly who it is.

"Hello?" she answers.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to bed," she admits.

"Going to bed? It's ten o'clock. What are you, ninety?"

"Trevor, what do you want?"

"Come out for dinner with me."

"I already ate," she reveals.

"You don't have to eat. Just come over."

"No," she shoots him down.

"Olivia, come on."

"Trevor, we're not married, anymore. I told you, I can't do this. I can't put myself through this. I am sorry. Go to sleep."

"Olivia, please."

"Not going to happen."

"What else are you going to do?"

"Not you," she retorts.

"Olivia, why do you have to be this way?"

"What way?" she questions.

"So hard. You're so stubborn. Why can't you ever let anyone in. Why can't you let me in?"

"I always end up getting hurt."

"I promise, that isn't going to happen."

"I know that it won't. Goodnight, Trevor," she hangs up on him.

She puts the phone back on the nightstand. She covers her head, and closes her eyes. Sleep doesn't come quickly. She stares at the back of her eyelids, cursing herself, for making the same mistakes, with him, over, and over again.


	16. The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter

It's six a.m., on a Saturday, and through some sort of miracle, she hasn't gotten a wake up call, to come to a crime scene. Unfortunately she finds herself wide awake. She wakes up, from a deep sleep. She sits up, on the side of the bed. She doesn't have time to orient herself. She simply bolts for the bathroom. She proceeds to spend the next several minutes in the throne room.

She sits in front of the toilet, on her knees. Luckily there is a rug, between her, and the cold tile floor. She empties the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl. She gets momentary relief. She reaches over, to the counter, and grabs a hairclip. She pulls her hair back, out of her face, and away from the line of fire. By the time she's finished another wave of nausea hits her. She leans forward and vomit rockets into the toilet bowl.

After nearly an hour she is able to drag herself to the sink, to brush her teeth. She brushes her teeth, and swishes mouthwash. She flosses for what seems like an eternity. She washes her face, and she heads back to her room. She turns off the light, as she leaves the bathroom. She makes a beeline, for the bed.

She climbs in, and doesn't bother to get under the covers. She is fast asleep, in a matter of minutes. Hours later, she is awakened, by the sound of someone knocking on her door. She opens her eyes, and looks at the clock. She takes a deep breath, and climbs out of bed. She quietly tiptoes into the other room. She stops at the door, and looks out the peephole. She reaches for the lock, once she realizes that it's not Trevor. She unlocks the door, and lets him in.

He steps into the apartment, and he closes the door, behind her. He stands there, in silence just looking at her. It's ten o'clock in the morning, and she is still in her pajamas. Her hair is a mess. Most of it is pulled into a clip, but there are several stray strands sticking out, here, and there. One side of her face is red, as if she's just woken up. Upon closer examination he notices how uncharacteristically pale she looks.

"You ok?" Fin questions.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"It's ten o'clock, and you look like you just woke up."

"There is no crime in that."

"I just came to tell you that I tried to get a hold of the wife. She moved, and left no forwarding address."

"I knew that the number had been disconnected."

"Seriously, Liv, are you ok?"

She swallows hard. She claps her hand over her mouth. Without a word she leaves the room. She is gone, for several minutes. When she returns, he is sitting on the couch, waiting for her.

"I'm sorry."

"How long have you been sick?" he wonders.

She shrugs, "It doesn't matter."

"Is it food poisoning, or something more serious?"

"It's not food poisoning."

"Should I be worried?"

"I'll be fine."

"You gonna tell me what's going on?"

"Nope."

"Morning sickness is a real bitch, isn't it?" He poses the question.

She just shrugs.

"You've never had it?"

"I never had morning sickness, with Cadence," she tries to dodge the bullet.

"Obviously, that isn't true, now."

She doesn't say anything.

"Were you going to tell me?"

Again, she remains silent.

"How long have you known?"

Crickets.

"That's why you keep disappearing? Olivia?"

She just looks at him.

"You can tell me," he insists.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"That tells me that despite the fact that you have wanted a child as long as I have known you, that this wasn't planned."

"Why would I plan to get pregnant? I didn't want another child. I just want my child back."

"So, I'm right?"

"You are right about a lot of things," she replies.

"Come on, Liv. Tell me the truth."

"I don't know why they call it morning sickness. It lasts all day."

"What are you planning on doing?"

"Nothing."

"So how long have you known?"

"A while. I am not on planning on telling anyone, for a while."

"Ok."

"I don't deserve this."

"Don't deserve what?" he furrows his brow.

"A second chance."

"Why would you even say that?"

"I should have been there. I shouldn't have gone to work that day. I should have gone with them, to Connecticut. I would have been there. I could have kept it from happening. I should have been there, for her, and I wasn't."

"It wasn't your fault," he argues.

"I don't deserve a second chance at this," she disagrees.

"Everyone deserves a second chance."

"What if, it's just some cruel joke?"

"I don't know that you mean?"

"I don't want to tell anybody, because I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"That if I do, this baby is just going to be taken away from me."

"Olivia, that isn't going to happen."

"I just wish that none of this happened. I just wish that I hadn't been so stupid."

"What do you mean?"

"I keep making the same mistakes."

"What mistakes?"


	17. I Keep On Loving You

"I got married, because I thought it was the right thing to do."

"It was a shotgun wedding?"

"Yes."

"So, you regret getting married?" Fin probes.

"No."

"I know that it's hard to see, but this is a good thing. I am sure you have a lot of mixed emotions, but Olivia, babies are blessings," he reminds her.

"You're telling me, that if you found out, today, that you were going to have another child, you would be ok with it?"

"It would give me a chance, to do things differently. I wouldn't make the same mistakes that I did, the first time."

"I have already started out, making the same mistakes that I did, the first time."

"How?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Who is the father?"

"You don't want to know," she insists.

"Langan?"

She doesn't say a word, but the guilty look on her face, is all he needs, to confirm his suspicions.

"How long have you been divorced?"

"Close to sixteen years," she admits.

"Then how did that happen?"

"He came over."

"And?"

"For a second, he made me remember why I married him."

"You already said you married him because you were pregnant."

"I tried to convince myself, that is why I married him."

"Why did you marry him?"

"Because, he when I was with him, I could forget everything else, at least for a while."

"So, does he know?"

"No," she shakes his head.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"No."

"You don't think that he deserves to know?"

"I am sure that he does, but I am not going to tell him."

"You're not going to tell him now, or ever?"

"I can't answer that."

"Why not?"

"Because, I don't know. When I told him, that I was pregnant, with Cadence, he asked me to marry him. He told me that he loved me. I don't want to be with him."

"You don't want to be with him? I don't buy it. I think you're afraid that you will feel guilty, for being happy, and moving on, with your life."

"How can I move on with my life? Every time I try to move on, to be happy, I can't. I am never going to be able to get over the fact, that someone took my daughter from me. Someone stole my little girl from me. I have no idea what happened to her. I don't even know if she's alive. After all of this time..." she trails off.

"Just try to be happy."

She cuts him off, "I can't," her eyes fill with tears.

"Olivia, just hear me out," he begs.

"Ok," she nods in agreement.

"You will try to be happy, and I will do everything I can to find her, and bring her home."

She can't hold them back any longer, the tears start to trickle down her face. "What if, all that's left of her, is bones?"

"I will find her."

"What if..."

He cuts her off, "What if you live in the present, and let me deal with the past?"

"How can I do that?"

He smiles, "You're going to have a baby. You might never be able to get Cadence back, but this baby is going to need you."

"What if..."

"Don't play the what if game," he insists.

"I don't want to tell him. I don't want to tell anything."

"You're afraid that something will happen, to this baby?"

She wipes away tears. "I am afraid that God will realize he made a mistake, that I don't deserve this."

"Liv, you deserve this, more than anyone I know."

"I put my job, ahead of my child. I can never forgive myself for that. I have to live with that, for the rest of my life. I was supposed to go with them, that morning. I should have taken the day off. I chose to work. I wasn't there for her, when she needed me the most."

"Olivia, you couldn't have stopped it."

"You don't know that."

"You can't change the past," he reminds her.

"But I wish that I could."

"So do I. I have a son, who barely speaks to me, most of the time. He is right here, in the city. No one took him from me. I screwed up. I lost his entire childhood. I can never get it back. I understand. I made mistakes, too. I would give anything, to go back, and change things, but I can't. I can only make different choices, now."

"I'm never going to get my little girl back."

"No. You're never going to get the time that you lost. You just have to move on."

"I have been trying to move on, for sixteen years. I don't know how to move on. When I got the call, I felt the breath sucked out of me. When they couldn't find her, I wanted to die. I just wanted her to be safe."

"I know."

"How am I going to do this? Fin, I am a mess. My life, is a mess. Look at me. I have had the same job, and same apartment, forever. I am married to my job, and I don't know how to change."

"Let it go."

"Let it go? I can't just let it go."

"I am not saying for you to let go of hope. I am just telling you, that it is beyond your control. Put it in someone else's hands. You have done all that you can."

"I don't like..."

He cuts her off, "You can't control everything, all of the time."

"You're right," she admits.

"So then, let it go."


	18. Leads

He's the first one to arrive in the squad room, that morning. He heads for his desk. Before he can sit down, someone is approaching him. He looks up, at the woman.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for detective Benson," the woman informs him.

"She's not here, yet. Can I help you? I am detective Tutuola."

"My name is Amy."

"Amy Granger?"

She nods, "Yes."

"Would you like to have a seat?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"What brought you in, today?"

"My husband, Jay. I think he kidnapped that little girl."

"Have you heard from him?"

"No. We had to move, to a smaller place, because, he never came back. We have four children."

"I'm sorry."

"When we met, I had a little boy, and he had a little girl. Then we had two more kids. He was a good guy. He was a good father."

"And you still don't know where he is?"

"No, but..." she trails off.

"Amy, whatever it is, you can tell me."

"I think he took her."

"The little girl? You said that. Do you know where she is?"

"I think so."

"Do you know where he buried her?"

"Buried her? He didn't bury her."

Fin furrows his brow. "He didn't?"

"His daughter is away at college."

"She doesn't have to know about this," he looks at her, in confusion.

She shakes her head, "I don't think she's his daughter. I think he is the little girl he kidnapped."

"What makes you say that?"

"We were never close. She was fourteen, when we met. She didn't care for me. She would tell me that I wasn't her mother. I never thought much of it. Since, that phone call, from detective Benson, I have started to question everything. He was so sweet to her, he tried, so hard, but she hated him. I never understood."

"You're telling me, that you think his daughter, is not his, at all? You think he kidnapped someone else's daughter, and raised her, as his own?"

"Exactly."

"Do you have a way for me to get a hold of her?"

"No," she shakes her head, "Her father took all of that information."

"Where does she go to school?"

"Yale."

"Yale? That is a pricey school."

"She has a full academic scholarship."

"What is her last name?"

"Granger."

"Thank you, you've been really helpful. Let me know, if you think of anything else."

"She should be coming home, this week. The last day of the semester is on Friday."

"Ok."

* * *

Trevor sits at his desk, going over paperwork, before court. His secretary calls his phone. He picks it up.

"Hello?"

"There is someone here to see you."

"Who?"

"A detective Tutuola. He says that it's urgent."

"I am getting ready for trial."

"He said that it can't wait."

"Tell him I have two minutes."

"He's already on his way back," she hangs up the phone.

He's barely hung up the receiver, when Fin walks through the door, without knocking. He closes the door, behind him.

"Detective Tutuola, what brings you here? I certainly hope that you don't need a defense attorney."

"I need a favor."

"I wasn't aware that I owed you any."

"Just hear me out," Fin insists.

"Ok."

"I need you to use your connections to your alma mater."

"For what purpose?"

"To charm some information out of them."

"Why would I do that, for you? I am a defense attorney. I do not work for SVU."

"No, but your ex-wife does."

"Excuse me?"

"Look I am not going this, for your benefit. I am doing this for Olivia."

"What are you talking about?"

"I am not here about an SVU case."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I may have a lead, as to where your daughter is."

"What?! Does Liv know about this?"

"No. I don't want to tell her, until I know for sure," he admits.

"Ok, I'm listening."

"She's a student, at Yale."

"What's the name?"

"The last name is Granger."

"Ok," he picks up the phone.

Fin watches, as he dials. After a few rings he gets an answer. After being transferred a few times, he finds someone who knows something.

"Hi, this is Trevor Langan. I am calling about a student of yours. Her name is Miss Granger. She applied for an internship at my firm, over the summer. I was hoping to get in contact with her. I wanted to offer her the internship, but we lost her contact information. Yes, that would be great, thank you," he waits for a minute, and then scribbles on a piece of paper. He hangs up, and hands the piece of paper to Fin.

"You'll let me know, as soon as you find out."

"You want to volunteer your DNA while I'm here, to speed things up?"


	19. Found

_He calls the captain, and makes up a story, about being sick. He takes a few hours of emergency vacation, and he gets in the car. He drives to New Haven. He finds himself on a street, with off campus housing. He takes a deep breath, as he gets out of the car. He makes his way up the stairs, to apartment 4D. He knocks on the door. He waits, for the moment of truth. After a few seconds he hears footsteps. The door opens. _

_"Hi, Miss Granger, I am detective Tutuola, with the NYPD."_

_"What did he do, now?"_

_"Who?"_

_"Jay."_

_"I am not here about him, I'm here about you."_

_She smiles, "Please, come in."_

_He steps into the apartment. She closes the door behind him. He stands there, in silence for a few moments, just looking at her. She has dark hair, an olive-y complexion, and bright blue eyes. _

_"You don't seem surprised, to see me," he points out._

_She smiles at him. She reaches into her shirt. She pulls out a necklace. She unfastens it, from around her neck. She holds out the locket. She places it in his hands. He opens it. He finds a tiny picture, inside. He looks at the picture, in disbelief._

_"I knew, that one day, someone would come."_

_"You know why I'm here?"_

_"When I was three years old, the man who pretends to be my father, broke into my grandparent's house. He came into the room that I was sleeping, and he took me out of my bed. By the time I woke up, I was already in his truck. He didn't know that I had the locket."_

_"You remember?"_

_"That is the only way I remember their faces. My mom gave it to me, on my third birthday. It was a picture of each of them, so no matter where I went, I would always be safe, they would always be with me."_

_"They have been waiting for you to come home, for a long time."_

_"What was the number?" she questions._

_"What number, Miss Granger?"_

_"Cadence, my name is Cadence."_

_He smiles, "Cadence, what number?"_

_"On the back of her picture, there are four numbers. 4015."_

_"4015?"_

_"Yes," she nods, in confirmation._

_"It's her badge number. Your mother is a member of the NYPD. She is a friend of mine."_

_"And my father?"_

_"They aren't together anymore."_

_"Do you know him?"_

_"He's a defense attorney."_

_"How did that happen?"_

_"I'm not sure. What are you studying?"_

_"Pre-law. I want to be a prosecutor."_

_"What year?"_

_"I graduated from high school a year early, so I'm a junior. Actually, I just finished my last final, this morning, so I guess, technically I am not a junior anymore."_

_"Are you coming back to the city?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Why don't I give you a ride?"_

_"I suppose that you want some DNA, too?"_

_"If you don't mind."_

_"Not at all."_

* * *

_After stopping off, to see Melinda, in the lab, Fin heads over to Trevor's office. He doesn't stop, for the secretary, this time. He walks past her._

_"You can't go in there," she argues. _

_"Try, and stop me," Fin warns._

_He knocks on the door. _

_"Come in," Trevor calls, from the other side. _

_Fin opens the door. He steps into the room. Trevor is packing his stuff up, for the day. He has his back turned, to the door. _

_"I hope you're not in too much of a hurry," Fin warns._

_"You're back?"_

_"Yeah," Fin confirms._

_"Did you find anything out?"_

_"Yeah."_

_Trevor turns around. He finds Fin standing in front of him. Next to him, is a young woman, with long dark hair, and big blue eyes. She's tall, and she flashes him a smile. _

_"Hi," she greets him._

_Trevor looks at Fin, but says nothing._

_"I'm Cadence," she offers her hand._

_Trevor stands there frozen. Fin chimes in, "I am waiting on a call, from Melinda, to confirm."_

_"Cadence," his lips curl into a smile. _

_Fin's phone rings. He takes it out of his pocket, and puts it to his ear. "Tutuola. You're sure? Thanks," he hangs up. _

_"So?" Cadence questions._

_"It's a match," Fin reveals. _

_"Cadence," he walks around, to the other side of the desk, "I'm..."_

_"Trevor Langan? You're my father," she smiles._

_He smiles at her, and then hugs her, tightly. After several moments, he lets go. He stands there, and looks at her. _

_"You look so much like your mother."_

_"When can I meet her?"_

_"I'll go get her," Fin insists._

* * *

_Trevor walks into the squad room. He makes beeline for the interview room. He finds captain Cragen standing outside of the room. _

_"Counselor, this client didn't invoke," Cragen informs him._

_"I am not here, about the client," Trevor reveals._

_"Then why are you here?"_

_"I need to talk to Olivia."_

_"It will have to wait, she is in interrogation."_

_"It can't wait. Look, I can't explain right now, but you have to trust me, on this, it's the right thing to pull her out."_

_Fin comes in, "I'll take over for her, Captain," he offers._

_"I thought that you were sick."_

_"I made a miraculous recovery."_

_"Tutuola what is going on here?"_

_"There was something I needed to take care of, for a friend."_

_"Ok," he nods. _


	20. Reunited?

_He pulls open the door, of the interview room. He looks at the detective._

_"Benson!" he barks._

_"Captain, I am in the middle of an interrogation."_

_"Now."_

_"Captain?"_

_"I said now, Benson," he insists._

_Olivia comes out of the room, and Fin goes in. She looks at the Captain. She stares at him, in disgust._

_"What the Hell was that?"_

_"I'm not the one who wanted you pulled out of there," he reveals._

_"What's going on?"_

_"That's what I would like to know."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"Trevor Langan is here to see you."_

_"I don't understand."_

_"Neither do I," he looks at his watch, "It's after six, so you can go, I'll have Fin finish the interrogation."_

_"I don't understand."_

_"I don't either, but they insisted that it was important. Just go."_

_"Ok." _

_She heads into the squad room, and she finds Trevor standing, by her desk. She approaches him. She looks at him, angrily. _

_"What the Hell? I was in the middle of an interrogation.""I know, but it's important."_

_"It's important? It couldn't wait?"_

_"No. Why don't you get your stuff, and come with me?"_

_"Excuse me? You can't just come in here, and bark orders at me."_

_Amanda approaches them. She looks at Olivia, and then at Trevor. _

_"Is there a problem here?" _

_"No, we're just leaving," Trevor insists._

_"Where are we going?"_

_"Detective Benson, please, just trust me."_

_"Trust you? You're a defense attorney, I don't trust you any farther than I can throw you."_

_"It will only take a little while," he tells her, shooting her a look._

_She grabs her purse, and stomps out, behind him. They climb onto the elevator in silence. They are surrounded by other people. She gives him an icy stare. He can see her nostrils flaring, in anger. They get off the elevator, and she follows him to his car. She climbs into the passenger's seat. She slams the door, behind her. She puts on her seat belt. He puts the key in the ignition, and reaches for the gear shift._

_"You want to tell me what the Hell is going on?"_

_"I know that you're angry, but you'll get over it," he promises, as they pull away from the curb._

_"That's it? You're not going to offer any explanation?"_

_"You'll understand, soon enough."_

_"Where are we going?"_

_"To a hotel."_

_"A hotel? I am not going to a hotel with you."_

_"Olivia, please just calm down."_

_"You're telling me to calm down, when you stormed into my work, and pulled me out of an interrogation? Come on."_

_"Seriously, take a pill, and calm down."_

_Her face turns bright red. She looks as if her blood is boiling, "Did you really just say that to me?"_

_"Olivia, you made a scene in there."_

_"I had every right to."_

_"No, you didn't."_

_"Why are we going to a hotel?"_

_"It's a surprise."_

_"You know that I hate surprises."_

_"You will like this one," he promises._

* * *

_She doesn't say another word, until they reach the hotel. He pulls into a parking space, and she gets out of the car. She slams the door, again, and heads towards the entrance. He makes it around the car, and steps past her. He stands between her, and the entrance._

_"Now, what are you doing?"_

_"Olivia, drop the attitude."_

_"Drop the attitude?"_

_"Please," he begs, with a genuine look on his face, "You're going to ruin the surprise."_

_She swallows hard, "I'm sorry, I just don't understand."_

_"I am trying to do something nice for you. I know that with your lack of faith in humanity, it is difficult for you to believe that people do nice things anymore, but they do."_

_"Whatever," she rolls her eyes, and walks past him. _

_He goes after her. She makes it into the hotel lobby, and stops. She looks over at him._

_"What floor?"_

_"The second," he tells her._

_She nods, and goes to the elevator. He climbs into the elevator, with her. They reach the second floor, in a matter of seconds. She follows him down the hallway, to a room. He pulls out a key card, and reaches for the door._

_"I don't like this."_

_"Just trust me," he begs._

_He puts the key in the door, and pushes it open. She steps into the hotel room, with him. She finds that there is a bag sitting on the end of the bed._

_"I think you have the wrong room. There is already someone here."_

_"I don't have the wrong room?"_

_"What kind of game are you playing, Langan?"_

_The bathroom door comes open, and she steps out. She looks at Olivia._

_"Do you always call him Langan?"_

_Olivia turns, and looks at the young woman. She stares at her, face, frozen. The young woman moves towards her. _

_"I'm..." she begins._

_"I know who you are. I would recognize you, anywhere," Olivia reveals._

_"I take it that the two of you aren't on the best of terms, anymore."_

_Olivia doesn't answer. She just reaches out, and envelopes the girl in a hug. _


	21. Dreamland

_He sits on a chair, at a table, just watching them. They sit on the edge of the bed. Olivia stares at the young woman, sitting next to her._

_"I never thought that this day would come," Olivia admits._

_"Neither did I."_

_"I don't even know where to start," Olivia adds._

_"I'll start. I just finished my second year of pre-law at Yale. I am there on scholarship, and I make the dean's list every semester. I graduated from high school, early. I played varsity volleyball, and basketball in high school."_

_"My alma mater," Trevor comments._

_"I wanted to go there, as long as I could remember. There is just a sense of peace in Connecticut that you can't find in the city. On breaks from school, I would stay in a cabin with a few friends."_

_Olivia looks up at Trevor. He catches her glance. Olivia looks at Cadence._

_"She doesn't remember," Trevor points out._

_"She was so small, how could she?"_

_Cadence furrows her brow, "Remember what?"_

_"My parents live in Connecticut. Connecticut is where I grew up. The night that you were taken..."_

_Cadence cuts him off, "I was at my grandparents the night he took me. I remember that."_

_"They lived in Connecticut," he adds._

_"I remember you had to drag me inside, that night. It was cold, and it was starting to snow. I was standing on the deck, catching snowflakes, on my tongue. You scooped me up, and threw me over your shoulder."_

_He smiles at her. "I let you finish your hot cocoa, threw you in the bathtub, and put you in bed."_

_"I remember for some reason, I didn't want to go to bed," she explains._

_"You never wanted to go to bed," he reveals._

_"That isn't true," Olivia argues._

_He clarifies, "You never wanted to go to bed, until your mom got home. She had worked that day, and fell asleep, before she left the city."_

_"I'm sorry," Olivia looks at the young woman, with tears in her eyes._

_"For what?"_

_"Not being there."_

_"I eventually fell asleep."_

_"After a million bedtime stories," Trevor tells her._

_"I should have been there," Olivia insists. _

_"You couldn't have stopped him."_

_"I..."_

_Cadence cuts her off, "You couldn't have. You have to know that."_

_"I should have found you, sooner."_

_"Don't, go down that path. I have had a good life. I always knew that he wasn't my father. I couldn't forget the two of you. He wasn't mean to me. He was just grief stricken, he thought that I would replace the daughter that he lost."_

_"He didn't..." Olivia shudders at the thought._

_"He never touched me. He didn't even spank me, even though there were a couple of times I really deserved it."_

_"It's time we can never get back," Olivia explains._

_"I'm here, now."_

* * *

She opens her eyes, and looks around the room. It takes her a few moments to reorient herself. She looks at the clock. _235_ the bright red numbers read. She tries to slow her breathing. She reaches for her phone. She dials six numbers, and then loses her nerve. She blinks away tears, as she realizes that it has all been a dream. She rolls onto her side, and tries to go back to sleep. Sleep doesn't come, but the tears do.

* * *

He wakes up, from a dead sleep. He has a feeling in the pit of his stomach, that something isn't right. He picks up the phone, but he doesn't dial. Instead he changes into the first clean clothes that he can find. He grabs his keys, and his phone, and he leaves the building. He drives across town, to her apartment. He parks, sloppily, and heads into the building. He skips the elevator, and opts for the stairs. He doesn't hesitate, when he reaches apartment 4D. He puts his key in the lock, and opens the door. He closes, and locks the door, behind him.

She flips on the light, when she hears the door open. Without a second thought she knows who it is. His footsteps approach her room. A few seconds later he appears in the doorway.

"Are you ok?" he questions.

"Why are you here?"

"I woke up, and I just got the feeling that you weren't ok."

"I had a dream, that we found her," she reveals

"We are going to find her," he promises.

"I dreamed that we found her alive. It was so real."

He moves towards her. She scoots over. He takes a seat, on the edge of the bed. He brushes her hair off her shoulders.

"We are going to find her."

She shakes her head, "What if we don't. What if we never do?"

"Fin said that he had a lead."

"I know, he told me too. It turned out to be nothing. She wasn't enrolled there."

"Maybe she transferred to another college."

"She was never there. Fin thinks that the girl told her stepmother false information," Olivia adds.

"Maybe she's still out there."

"And maybe she isn't," Olivia argues.

"What is this really about?"

"It has been sixteen years, and I am just now accepting the fact, that we may never find her. We may never know what really happened to her."

"I'll find out, if it's the last thing that I do."

"I am so tired. It shouldn't be this hard."

"I know."

"It shouldn't hurt this much."

"Olivia I am sorry."

"You shouldn't be here."

"You need me," he points out.

"Just go," she begs.

"Give me one good reason."

"I don't want you here. I just want to move on with my life. I don't want to dwell on the past, anymore. I can't."

"I don't believe you."

"Trevor, please go," she implores him.


	22. Fading Hope

He doesn't go anywhere. He refuses to leave the room, even after she beats him with her pillow, and threatens to shoot him. Eventually she gives up, and falls asleep, in his arms. He just watches her, as she sleeps. He listens to her cry, in her sleep, knowing what she's dreaming of. Finally, he falls asleep, too.

When she wakes up in the morning, she pushes his arm off her. She shakes him, until he opens his eyes. He stares at her, with big, sparkling blue eyes. He smiles at her.

"I won't ask you again," she tells him.

"Are you going to spend the rest of your life pushing everyone away?"

She doesn't answer him. He concedes, leaving the room. He leaves the apartment, slamming the door, on his way out.

* * *

He sits in his office, at his desk. It's Sunday, and he has absolutely no reason to be there. He sits in front of the computer, staring at it blankly. He searches the name, again, for the twelfth time, on google. It turns up many false leads. He sighs, and moves onto college websites. After over a dozen, he wonders what he's thinking. There is no way to know if their daughter is even alive. Even if she is, there is no way to know that she is in college.

* * *

She sits on a bench, at the park, watching, as families stroll by. She sits in silence, as she watches women pass, with their jogging strollers. She looks on, in envy, as mothers walk with teenagers to busy with their ipod's or phones to notice their parents. She leaves the park, before she breaks down.

* * *

He holds his breath, as he raises his fist as he goes to knock on the door of the dorm room. He hears the shuffling of footsteps. A young woman comes to the door. Trevor looks at her, and smiles.

"Can I help you?" she questions.

"I am looking for Cadence."

"Cadence isn't here."

"I have the wrong room?"

She shakes her head, "No, she just isn't here right now. She's out of town for the weekend."

"Oh."

"Do you want me to call her?"

He shakes his head, "Can you just give her my card?" he questions.

"Sure, who are you?"

"I am not even sure that she is who I am looking for. I have been to eight different dorms. I have tracked down every Cadence on four campuses. I didn't realize that Cadence was that popular of a name."

"None of them were who you were looking for?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"I'll let her know you stopped by. I'll have her call you, Trevor," she reads his card. "Is she in kind of trouble? It says that you're a defense attorney."

"She's not in any kind of trouble. I am here for personal reasons."

"I'll let her know."

* * *

"Thank you," he turns and walks away, feeling as if he's hit another dead end.

She gets a phone call, on her way back home. She pulls the phone from the case attached to her belt.

"Benson. Yeah, I'll be there soon."

She arrives at her crime scene twenty minutes later. EMS is loading the victim into the squad, as she ducks under the crime scene tape. She looks at the officer at the scene.

"What happened? Was she raped?"

The officer looks at her. He shakes his head, "No. She was mugged, and beaten. Then she was shot."

Olivia arches her brow, "Why did you call me?"

"We found your card on her."

"Do you know how many of those I give out?"

"We know."

"Is she conscious?"

"Not now."

"What did she say?"

"She told us to call you."

"That's it?"

"She said to look after her little boy."

"Where is he?"

"They're both in the bus."

The paramedics wait on her. She climbs into the back of the ambulance with them. She takes a seat, out of the way. They close the doors, and she looks at the young woman on the gurney. The paramedic turns to her.

"Do you recognize her?"

"No," Olivia shakes her head.

The other paramedic holds the crying little boy. Olivia reaches for him, even though he's covered in blood.

"Is he hurt?"

"Not as far as we can tell. None of the blood is his."

"What is her name?"

"She didn't say."

Olivia holds the baby closely, trying to calm him. "ID?"

"Whoever mugged her took her purse. We have no idea."

She shakes her head, "So all you have is a Jane Doe, with a baby, who had my card on her?"

"Yes," he nods, in confirmation.

"Why did she have my card?" she wonders, aloud.

They shrug, as they try to stabilize the victim. Olivia turns and looks at the little boy. He is covered in blood. Even his hair has blood in it. He stares up at her, with big blue eyes.

"It's ok," she tells him, as they lurch forward into movement.

They arrive at the hospital within ten minutes. They rush the young woman into surgery. Olivia waits in the E.R. with the little boy, as the staff checks him out. They clean him up, and get him in a pair of clean pajamas. The doctor finally comes in to examine him. Olivia holds the baby on her lap. He is quiet now, but he clings to her.

"How old do you think he is?" Olivia wonders.

"Ten, or eleven months, maybe."

"Have you heard anything about the mother?"

"She's still in surgery."


	23. A Deep Understanding

She holds the sleeping baby. He snuggles against her chest. The doctor enters the room, and she looks up.

"Detective Benson?"

"Yes," she nods, "Any news?"

"The young woman they brought in earlier died in surgery. We couldn't save her. I'm sorry."

"What about the baby?"

"We'll put a call in."

"Do we have any clue who she is?"

"She had an unusual tattoo, on her leg. It stood out to me."

"Can you remember why?"

"I couldn't but my nurse did. She remembered because the first time we saw it was eight years ago. She was fourteen then."

"What was her name?"

"Arianna Martinez."

"That name sounds familiar."

"It should. A good Samaritan brought her in. They found her underneath the overpass. It was January, and she barely had a pulse. We all wondered who would allow their thirteen year old to have a tattoo."

Olivia suddenly recalls, "It wasn't a tattoo the sex traffickers had branded her."

"I went down the medical records, and got her file," he adds.

"Multiple E.R. visits, and..."

He shakes his head, "No. She got out of that life. She graduated from a junior college, and got a job with benefits."

"We never caught the guy who took her from her parents eight years ago. I gave her my card, and told her to call me, if she ever saw him."

"Do you think that's who killed her?"

"Maybe," she nods, "What about the baby?"

"He was born June fifth of last year."

"Father?"

"None listed. If you want the nurse can take him, so you can get to the precinct."

She looks at her watch, "It's after midnight. There is no point at waking a social up at this hour. Has he been ok'd for discharge?"

He opens the curtain, and motions for the nurse standing at the nurse's station. She comes over.

"Kelly has this little guy been discharged?"

"Yeah," she nods, in confirmation, "His name is Jackson."

* * *

Hours later, in the early morning hours she places a sleeping baby in the arms of her partner. She sits at her desk, in the squad room. She types, trying to locate a living relative. The case takes her mind off of the troubles at home.

The little boy's head rests on Nick's shoulder. Nick looks over at his partner. He can see that she's tired.

"Olivia, are you ok?"

"I have to find..."

He cuts her off, "Not with this case. That isn't what I meant. Are you ok? Something has been on your mind lately."

"I'll be fine."

"See that's the thing, I'm just not sure that I believe that."

"Nick, now is not the time. I have to find this little boy's family."

"Why don't you take him, and go up to the crib for a few? You'll work better once you've had a little shut eye."

"I'm not tired," she argues.

"Whatever," he rolls his eyes.

* * *

He stands next to his partner, on a doorstep. She holds a squirming baby in her arms. He rings the doorbell. The door opens. The woman looks at Olivia, and the smile instantly disappears from her face.

"Mrs. Martinez..." Olivia begins.

"Olivia? What's happened? Why do you have Jackson? Where is my daughter?"

Olivia hands the baby to his grandmother. "Can we come in?"

She nods. They follow her into the house.

"Detective," Arianna's mother begs, "please just tell me what has happened."

"Your daughter was attacked, last night," Nick begins.

"Is she ok?"

"No. I am so sorry, but Arianna didn't make it," Olivia reveals.

"It was him," she insists.

"It was who Celia?" Olivia questions.

"She kept getting these phone calls. She didn't tell me, for almost two years. He would call her cell phone all of the time. He would harass her, and tell her that she could never be free. He said that it was just a matter of time, before she belonged to him, again," Celia explains.

"Who?" Nick questions.

"Joseph Bell," Olivia answers.

"Joseph Bell?"

"He took my little girl from me, eight years ago."

"You think that he found her?" Olivia tries to clarify.

"I know that he did. He left a letter on her doorstep a few days ago."

"Why didn't se call the police? Why didn't she call me?"

"She was supposed to come see you, last night," Celia reveals.

"What did the letter say?" Nick questions.

"That he could find her anywhere, that he could find anyone. She said the letter said that not even the NYPD, and their families were safe from him. I warned her not to go alone, but she wouldn't listen. She said she wasn't going to let fear rule her life. Now my little girl is dead. And her little boy will never remember his mother. Olivia you have to find him."

"I will."

"Please, don't give up," Celia begs.

"Nick, can you give us a minute?"

"Yeah," he nods, stepping outside.

Olivia looks at Celia. "I know how hard this much be for you. I am so sorry."

"I lost my little girl once, and you brought her back to me. You can't bring her back to me this time, but you can bring her justice. Please find him."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure?" Celia nods, holding onto the baby.

"Who is his father?"

She looks at the sweet little boy with big brown eyes, "Arianna never told me. I was so surprised when she told me that she was pregnant. She turned her whole life around. She wasn't irresponsible. I..." Celia trails off.

"What is it?"

"Maybe he is safer with you."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because I think that Joseph was his father."

"What?!" Olivia furrows her brow.

"I think he found her. Almost two years ago she moved, out of the blue. She never said why. It was less than two months after that when she told me that she was pregnant."


	24. Hostage Negotiator

She stands in front of a headstone. She holds an umbrella, as the rain falls from the sky. She talks to the headstone, as if the person that it belongs to can hear her.

"You know it's funny, I never thought that headstone could bring closure, but here we are. I know that you're here. You drank yourself to death, but at least I know where you are. I just with that I knew where Cadence was. I just wish that I could have closure. A GPS location, and dot on a map. I wouldn't want to put her here. I wouldn't want to have to bury her, but then I would always know where she was. Sometimes I wonder if everything I do is in vain. I solve horrible crimes, but I the one I can't solve is the one that keeps me up at night. I just want to find her. It's so hard to hold on. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm holding on for. I don't even know that if I found her alive she would remember me. I am just so tired."

She walks away from the grave, without a response, not that she was expecting one. She climbs into her car, and tosses the wet umbrella in the back seat. She puts the car into gear, and heads to work.

* * *

Her mind is anywhere, but on her work, when Fin comes up to her, hours later. She's sitting at her desk, blankly staring at her computer screen. It's nearly three a.m., and she's still working on her case.

"Olivia," his voice brings her back to reality.

She looks up, "Yeah?"

"The state police are on the phone for you."

She furrows her brow, "About what?"

He shrugs, "There is a hostage situation in Saugerties."

"And how does that have to do with me, or my case?"

"I am not sure it has anything to do with your case. They said the woman taking hostages said that she would only negotiate with you."

"I don't know anyone in Saugerties."

"They said that they have been trying to negotiate with her for six hours, they are getting nowhere, and they have no shot. They're sending a helicopter to pick you up."

"Do I know her?"

"They aren't sure, but she seems to know you."

* * *

She arrives at the remote location, in a wooded area. At least four police vehicles sit in front of the cabin. She exits the car, and approaches. She puts on her vest, and meets with the local sheriff.

"What's going on here?" she asks him.

"We have a young woman inside who will only talk to you," he reveals.

"What's her name?"

"Katie," the sheriff tells her.

"Who is she holding hostage?"

"From what we can gather it's the owner of the cabin, Jason Whaley. We don't know what her relationship to him is. She has him in the pantry in the kitchen, we can't get a clear shot."

"Why am I here?" Olivia questions, "Is there some sort of a sex crime?"

"Not that we are aware of. The young woman told us that she would only talk to you."

"Ok," she nods.

"I am going to call the phone in the house," he picks up his cell phone, he dials the number, and hands the phone to her. After two rings the party on the other end of the line answers.

"I already told you I am not negotiating."

"Wait, Katie, this is detective Benson. I got a call that you only wanted to talk to me."

"You should come inside."

"Ok. I am going to hang up the phone, and come inside, is that ok?"

"I am not going to shoot you. He is the only one that I want dead."

"Ok. I am hanging up now," Olivia hangs up the phone. She walks to the end of the driveway, towards the porch. She climbs the three stairs. She stops at the door, and pushes it open. She closes it, behind her. She steps into the entry way. There are stairs in front of her, a den to her right, and a living room to her left. She calls out.

"Katie, where are you?"

"Go through the living room, to the kitchen."

Olivia takes a left, and heads into the living room. The living room is open. There is no wall between the kitchen, and the living room. She walks past the dining room table, towards the pantry. She stops in the doorway of the pantry. She doesn't draw her weapon. She finds a young woman with her hair pulled into a pony-tail, with her back to her. A man sits in front of her, on a chair from the kitchen table. The young woman holds the gun to his head.

"Ok, Katie, I'm here now. Walk me through this. Why am I here? Why are you doing this?"

"He wouldn't tell me," she answers, trying her best to maintain composure.

"He wouldn't tell you what?" she wonders.

"He wouldn't tell me the truth. I had to know. I needed to know. My whole entire life he's been lying to me. I couldn't handle it anymore. I was tired of living a lie. This was the only way."

"No, Katie this isn't the only way. Why don't you put the gun down, and we can talk about this?"

"You don't understand what it has been like."

"I don't understand what?"

"He was in here, five and a half hours, before he would tell me the truth. I have had a gun to his head for six and a half hours, and he still won't tell me why he did it."

"Did what? Katie I don't understand."

"Why he took me."

"Took you, from where? When?"

"He deserves to die," Katie answers.

"Once you pull that trigger, you can never take it back."

"Ask him why," Katie begs, "You should hear why."

"Jason, why did you take her?"

"They didn't deserve her."

"Tell her the truth!" Katie demands.

"Katie, can you turn around her, so I can see you?" Olivia begs.

The young woman turns around, and looks at her. She walks around the chair, so she can continue to have aim at the man sitting in front of her.

"Katie I am trying really hard to understand what this is all about."

Katie looks her in the eyes, and shakes her head. "It's not really about him," she admits.


	25. Promise

"Then who is it about?"

"It's about me."

"If that's true then why don't you let him go? If your..."

Katie cuts her off, "Let him go. All of this is his fault."

"I would feel better if you pointed your gun at me."

"Detective, don't make her do that," Jason warns.

"Katie, where did he take you from?"

"I don't know where. I can't remember."

"When did he take you?"

"Olivia, you don't understand at all, do you?"

Olivia searches the girl's face, for some sort of clue. "Make me understand."

"My whole life I knew that I didn't belong. We spent most of the time running, from one place, to another. I knew it wasn't right. I knew that I wasn't his daughter. I always knew, but he would never tell me the truth. He would never tell me who they were."

Olivia's heart pounds. She swallows hard. "Katie..." she trails off. For a moment, she could swear that she's looking at the face of her own daughter.

"Huh?"

"Katie don't do this. If you shoot him, this never ends. Nobody wins. You got to prison, and then what?"

"Katie, why did you have them call me?"

"Because I knew that you would understand. She said that you would."

"Who said?"

"Arianna. She gave me your card, and said that if anything ever happened, I should call you."

"Oh," her heart sinks.

"So what did he tell you, about your parents?"

"That I was better off without them."

"Who are they?"

"Greg, and Cara Jensen. He took me from them, when I was five. I barely remember them."

"Katie you don't have to do this."She keeps the gun pointed at Jason, "You don't know what he did to me."

Jason interjects, "Katie don't do this. What about Caleb? What happens to him, if you shoot me? Katie, I was wrong. I am sorry. Put down the gun, and we can end this now. It will all be over. I am going to go to prison, for a long time. You can go home."

Tears stream down the young girl's face. She lowers her hand, and gives the weapon to Olivia. Olivia clears the weapon. She furrows her brow, and looks at the young woman standing in front of her.

"It's not loaded," Olivia shakes her head, in disbelief.

"I could never kill anyone. I just needed the truth. It was the only way."

Olivia takes out her cuffs. The hostage stands up, and turns to face her. She puts cuffs on him.

"Jason Whaley, you are under arrest for..." she begins.

"I know my rights."

She continues to mirandize him. She looks over at Katie, when she finishes.

"Katie the officers are going to want to ask you questions. Do not say anything until your lawyer gets there, do you understand?"

"I can't afford a lawyer."

"A lawyer will meet you at the police station," Olivia tells her, leading them out of the house. The sheriff places cuffs on the girl, too. Olivia explains that Jason has kidnapped the young woman. They lead Katie to a separate squad car. Olivia follows her to the car.

"Don't say anything," Olivia reminds her.

"Wait," Katie insists.

"What?"

"Caleb is upstairs, asleep, in the bedroom."

"Caleb? Who is Caleb? Your brother?"

Tears stream down Katie's face. She shakes her head, "My little boy. Please make sure that he's ok. Don't let him out of your sight. Don't let Jason take him from me."

"I promise," Olivia is on the verge of tears, as the officer closes the door to the car. Olivia turns, and heads back towards the house. She enters the house, and heads for the staircase. She climbs to the top of the stairs. She goes to the first room, on her right. She pushes the door open, and turns on the light. She finds a pack and play at the end of the bed. She goes over to the pack and play, and peers inside. She finds an infant, inside. She reaches inside, and lifts him out. She finds a diaper bag lying on the bed. As she holds him, he opens his eyes. He's swaddled in a blanket, with a hat on his head. Dark hair sticks out, from under his cap. She lays him on the bed, and takes a diaper, and wipes out of the bag. She unwraps him, and proceeds to unbutton his sleeper. She is surprised to find an umbilical stump. She quickly changes his diaper, and redresses him. She bundles him back up, and takes a seat on the bed. She holds him in her arms, and just stares at him.

She looks into the diaper bag, and finds a few pieces of paper, lying on top. She finds a birth certificate that reveals he's six days old, and weighed nine pounds two ounces, at birth. She also finds a detailed log of the last time he ate, and his diaper was changed. She zips the diaper bag, and pulls the phone out of her pocket.

* * *

He rolls towards the ringing phone. He turns on the lamp, and observes the time. He looks at the number, and blinks in confusion. What reason could Olivia have to call him, at four o'clock in the morning? He puts the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Trevor."

"Olivia, what's wrong? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"I need you to get dressed."

"Liv, it's four o'clock in the morning."

"I need you to come to Saugerties."

"Saugerties? What are you doing in Saugerties?"

"I need a favor."

"You need a favor?"

"I got called out here for a hostage negotiation. Someone gave her my card."

"Why are you calling me?"

"She needs a lawyer."

"So you chose to call me, at four in the morning?"

"She's twenty. She was kidnapped from her parents when she was five. Her name is Katie Jensen. The man who took her has been raping her, since she was fifteen. He has been molesting her, since she was five. She has a baby who is six days old, and I am fairly certain her kidnapper is the father."

"You took one look at her, and you thought that she could be our daughter.

"But she's not."

"But you still want me to help her?"

"Please."

* * *

He meets her outside of an interview room, at the sheriff's department, in Saugerties.

"Where is she?" He asks Olivia, who holds tightly to the infant in her arms.

Olivia points. Trevor turns, and looks through the glass. He sees a twenty year old, sitting on the wrong side of the table. She's got dark hair, and she looks completely exhausted. Trevor takes a deep breath, and enters the room. He closes the door behind him. He looks at the police officer, and then takes a seat next to his client.

"I am Trevor Langan. I would appreciate if you could give my client, and I a moment to confer."

"I am sorry mister Langan, but she is facing some serious charges."

"What charges?"

"Attempted murder, for one.""The gun wasn't loaded," Katie reveals.

"Officer..." Trevor begins.

"Detective Black."

"Detective, in light of the situation, I think we are done here, for now."


	26. Never Ending

She sits in her living room, on the couch. She stares at an old photograph, in silence. It's a Cadence's newborn picture, from the hospital. She stares at the picture of a sweet, and innocent newborn. The picture is a as cliche as all typical newborn pictures are. Cadence's dark hair is highlighted with a headband, with a bow in the middle of it. She wears a tiny frilly pink dress, and little white tights. She puts the picture down, and reaches for another that sits on the coffee table. She stares at the black and white image. It's a picture from a more current time. The prior day, to be exact. She places the picture on top of Cadence's. She grabs the phone that sits next to the photographs. She dials nine numbers, but chickens out. She is carefully deliberating on if, and when to tell Trevor, when her phone rings. She looks at the caller ID, and brings the phone to her ear.

"Hey, Fin, what's going on?"

"I need you to come to this crime scene."

"Where is your partner."

"He's here too."

"Then why do you need me?"

"The Captain wanted me to call you."

"This is my first Saturday off in weeks."

"He called Nick, and John called Amanda. He wants us all here."

"Why? What's going on?"

"The case I caught yesterday, before you left..." he begins.

"The one with the guy accused of kidnapping a seven year old girl?"

"Yeah," he nods in confirmation.

"You found her?"

"Yeah."

"Alive?"

"No. We found her buried in a shallow grave on his property in Bedford."

"Why does that require me?"

"She's not the only one. He owns two acres, and so far we've made it as far as a twenty five foot radius around the house. We already found six bodies."

"How long has he been doing this?"

"He admitted that he took his first victim in ninety three. He's been at this for twenty years. He wouldn't say how many victims he had each year. We are suspecting it's at least two for at least the past ten years."

"Ok. I'll be there in about an hour," she agrees.

"We'll be here all day."

* * *

When she arrives to the home there is police tape across the driveway. The entire street is lined with vehicles from different police departments, and their M.E.'s. She counts at least four different departments. A uniformed officer allows her into the crime scene. She follows the driveway past a garage, and to a fence. She steps through the gate, that stands wide open. She continues walking, until she's past the house. The entire back yard is fenced in, and filled with various members of law enforcement. She stops, three feet from the house. She looks around, at all the holes. She now counts nine. Melinda is closest to her. Olivia shakes her head, in disbelief.

"Where should I start?"

"I assigned everyone a two and a half by five foot section of the yard. One person digs, one person sifts. Your partner is waiting on you. The rookies you saw coming up the driveway will help you get the body into a bag."

"How many M.E.'s are here?"

"Six so far, I called in eight more, for now. They will assist with digging, and sifting. Once the body is removed from the grave they will move it to their vans. We will keep going, until their van is full. When all the vans are full we will call for more M.E.'s."

"How many bodies do we think there are?"

"So far we've got nine. We expect to find at least twenty, or more."

Olivia surveys the yard, "Where is Cragen?"

"Inside with the suspect. He is interviewing him, now."

"We're going to be here well into the night."

"I have someone bringing lighting, too."

"Ok. What are all the flags for?"

"Each one has a number. Each team is assigned a number. You're eleven."

"Ok," she nods, and joins her partner a few feet away. He grabs a trowel. She grabs a brush. He looks up at her.

"Ready?"

"Yeah," she nods.

* * *

By ten p.m. nearly the entire yard is dug up. They have finally reached the back panel of the fence. They have disinterred a total of thirty seven bodies. Olivia stands at the back of the yard, as she, and her partner collect buckets, and tools. She stops, momentarily, and looks at the yard. It is pretty much annihilated. Her eyes fall on a flower bed, that is positioned in front of the back porch. Without a word she drops the bucket in her hand. She walks past her partner, and all the others in the yard who are finishing up. She grabs a trowel along the way. She stops in front of the three by five foot flower bed. She studies the plant. Lilies in the center. A shrub, on either end. She touches the leaves. They are waxy. Without a word she begins to dig. Moments later there is someone next to her, digging too. Then another joins her, on the other side, to rip up the shrub. Between the three of them they are able to destroy the flower bed in ten minutes. It takes them another three to hit bone.

After they haul the thirty eight body to an M.E. van Olivia, and Amaro begin back down the driveway to the backyard. Olivia places her hand on her partner's arm. He stops, and looks at her. They are both so exhausted that neither one of them want to say anything.

"Nick has anyone even considered the possibility that there are bodies in the front yard?"

"The neighbors would notice if he was digging up the front yard."

"Didn't he say he was the first house in the neighborhood?"

"Yeah."

"Grab a shovel."

"Wait," he tells her.

"What?"

"We have ground penetrating radar. One of the M.E.'s brought it with them, just in case. I don't want to tear up the whole front yard, too. I'll go grab it."

"Ok," she agrees.

They use the GPR to study the front yard. A walkway runs through the middle of the front yard to the entrance of the house. On either side of the sidewalk is an apple tree. Under each apple tree is a body. It takes their count from thirty eight to forty.

"How are we ever going to identify all of these girls?" Nick begs the question, as they lean against their squad car, drinking bottles of water.

Olivia shakes her head, "I don't foresee any sleep in the near future, for either one of us."


	27. Violation Of Trust

Fin approaches Olivia, as she goes towards her squad car. She's exhausted, as she moves towards the driver's side drawer.

"Hey Liv I am going to have Nick ride back with Munch."

"Why?"

"You and I have an errand to run."

"What errand?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Just trust me."

"Ok," she nods in agreement.

Nick, and Munch leave in Fin's squad car. Olivia hands Fin the keys of her squad car, hesitantly. She climbs into the passenger's seat, and buckles her seat belt.

"If you scratch my car I will have to hurt you," she warns.

"I'll drive carefully."

"Where are we going?" she questions as the car sets in motion.

"We have to run over to Bedford P.D."

"For what? Half of their police department is still here."

"I have to meet a contact over there."

"Why do I have to go with you?"

"Just trust me."

"Fine."

* * *

Ten minutes later they arrive at Bedford police department. Fin parks the car in front of the building. Olivia climbs out of the car, and follows him in. It's after midnight, and she just wants to be at home in her bed. She follows Fin into a squad room. He approaches the first person in uniform he sees. It happens to be a tall, muscular man, who is sipping a cup of coffee.

"I was hoping you could help me," Fin speaks up.

"I'm detective Garrett ,what do you need help with?"

"My name is detective Tutuola, this is one of my co-workers, detective Benson. I am looking for officer Rodriguez, she's expecting me."

"She's went on a doughnut run for us, she'll be back soon."

"I saw her work at the crime scene today. She's good. Do you really think she's best put to use getting doughnuts?"

"Detective I appreciate that you think we're just a bunch of gold old boys up here, but she went on the run cause it's her turn. We don't treat her differently because she's a girl. If we did she wouldn't hesitate to kick our asses."

"She's a good cop?"

"Have you ever met another cop, for the first time, and within five minutes you know that is what they were born to do?" the detective asks.

"Yeah," Fin nods.

"That is Rodriguez. She has that it factor. And she's a good shot to. In fact, my partner is retiring soon, and I have requested that she be his replacement."

"She's only an officer now."

"He isn't retiring for about a year. She'll make detective before her twenty first birthday. In fact I think she's scheduled to take the exam next week."

Olivia, who has stood by silently finally chimes in, "Do you know how long it will be before she gets back?"

"Anytime. I would expect her in the next five minutes, or less. That is another reason we like to send her. Her driving would make Danica jealous. She teaches drivers education, at the high school."

"She's barely out of high school," Fin points out.

"She graduated two years early. She went into the academy at seventeen."

"So she's barely out of the academy?" Fin clarifies.

"Yeah. She was top of her class."

A young woman dressed in uniform walks into the squad room.

"Garrett, I've got your doughnuts," she grins, handing him the box. She turns and looks at Fin. "Detective Tutuola you're welcome to have one."

"No thanks. I just stopped by to discuss that lead," he reveals.

"Great."

"This is Detective Olivia Benson," Fin adds.

Olivia turns, and looks at her. She smiles, "Hi," extending a hand.

"Liv, this is officer Rodriguez."

"Nice to meet you," Rodriguez adds. "Why don't we go into our conference room?"

"Lead the way," Fin nods.

Rodriguez heads out of the squad room. Fin follows her.

"What are we doing here?" Olivia questions.

"I told you we have something we need to take care of," Fin answers, as they move towards the conference room.

"Fin I just want to go home, and take a shower."

"It can wait," he insists.

"Whatever it is that she knows better be big."

"It is," Fin promises.

"Why did you have to bring me?"

"Munch was being a baby," Fin points out.

"You could have brought Amanda, or Nick."

"I wanted you to come."

She rolls her eyes, as the young woman pushes the door open. They step inside. Fin, and Olivia take their seats. Officer Rodriguez closes the door, and has a seat at the head of the table, with her back to the door.

"So you said that you identified two of the victims?" Fin starts the conversation.

"Yes, they were recent victims. Sarah Harris, and Kara Miller," Rodriguez confirms.

Olivia sits at the table staring at the young woman. She notices a wedding band on her left hand. Olivia makes eye contact.

"You're married officer Rodriguez?" Olivia questions.

"Yes I met my husband while we were in the academy. We've been married for over a year."

"How old are you?" Olivia follows up.

The young officer just smiles, revealing her dimples.

Olivia turns to Fin, "Why are we here? She could have told us this on the phone."

"Detective Benson I didn't ask him to come here because of the two girls."

"Why did you ask him here?"

"We met earlier today. I have a lead on your daughter's disappearance."

Olivia raises an eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

"I have a lead," the young woman repeats.

Olivia turns to Fin, "You told her? You told a perfect stranger about my daughter?"


	28. Broken Heart Again

"He wouldn't violate your trust, if he didn't have a reason," officer Rodriguez points out.

"Fin, what were you thinking? You asked some rookie cop to help you find out what happened?" she looks at him in disbelief.

"No, I didn't."

Officer Rodriguez reaches into her shirt. She pulls out a locket. She carefully unfastens it, and takes it off. She holds it out, and places it in Olivia's hand.

"When he saw me this afternoon I was bent over a grave, brushing soil off bones. My necklace was hanging out. He asked me about it, and that is how it came up. I told him that it was a present for my third birthday," she trails off.

Olivia looks at the locket. She doesn't hesitate. She simply flips the locket over, and looks at the back. Her badge number stares up at her. She looks at the young woman. She's got dark hair, and bright eyes.

"That can't be true," Olivia argues, "How did you pass a background check with a fake social?

"The person who took me had friends in high places. She had a birth certificate issued so that he could get a social security card for me."

"She?" Olivia furrows her brow.

"Elaina Bridger. She lived in Connecticut sixteen years ago. Her three year old daughter drowned in a pool. She was walking around the neighborhood, when she saw me outside playing in the snow. She didn't live in that neighborhood. She was in town for her aunt's funeral. She told her family that she adopted me."

"How do I know if any of this is true?"

"The DNA will be back any time," officer Rodriguez reveals.

"Officer Rodriguez, you'll have to forgive me for thinking this sounds a little unbelievable."

"You think that I read the missing person's report on your daughter, and picked up all the details? Or that Fin told me the details? I know things that aren't in any file, that you didn't tell Fin."

"Like what?"

Officer Rodriguez pushes aside her dark, side swept bangs. "The scar on my forehead from where I fell, and hit it on a coffee table a week before my third birthday."

Olivia looks at Fin, "I didn't tell the police that. I was so worked up that I forgot."

Officer Rodriguez unbuttons her sleeve. She rolls it up, and shows Olivia her forearm. Olivia stares at the birthmark on her arm, that looks like a musical note. She turns to Fin, for guidance.

"You knew, based on her necklace?"

Fin shakes his head, "I looked at her, and I kept thinking I knew her, then I introduced myself."-

* * *

_He looks at the nineteen year old police officer standing in front of him. She has dark, shoulder length hair. She stares up at him, with a pair of dark eyes. For a moment he swears he's seen the same eyes, before. He tries to ignore the sense of deja vu. He smiles instead._

_"I am detective Tutuola, but you can call me Fin," he introduces himself, as he stares at the necklace around her neck._

_"I am officer Rodriguez, but you can call me Cadence."_

* * *

Olivia's eyes drift from Fin, to the girl sitting next to her. The young woman, who is practically a spitting image of her. She wants to believe it, but her heart has been broken so many times, she refuses to accept it.

"I want to believe you, but it's been sixteen years, and..."

Officer Rodriguez cuts her off, "I get it. You're weary. You want to wait on the DNA. I get it. I'll have it faxed to you as soon as I get it, ok?"

"Ok," Olivia agrees.

"I know that you have had a long day, and that you're exhausted. You two have a long drive ahead of you, you should start home. Have a safe trip."

"Thank you officer Rodriguez," Olivia thanks her.

"It's Cadence," she corrects.

"We'll be in touch," Fin tells her.

"You have my card," the young woman smiles.

* * *

Olivia climbs into the car, and says nothing. She turns on the radio to drown out the silence, and avoid Fin's questions. He plays along for nearly half an hour. Eventually he reaches over and shuts off the radio. He breaks the silence.

"Say something," Fin begs.

"I am emotionally drained."

"You don't believe her, do you?"

"I really want to, but I have gotten my hopes up before. How do I know that she is being honest? How do I know she's being genuine? How can I know that she didn't just read the file, and..."

Fin cuts her off, "Maybe because she looks just like you.""I'll believe it when I see the DNA."

"That is your daughter, and you were pretty cold to her."

"We don't know that," Olivia argues.

"Really? Your gut isn't screaming at you right now, that we left your daughter in Bedford, and you didn't even give her so much as a hug?"

"We don't know."

"Why don't you want to believe it?"

"Because I have had my heart broken so many times. The entire first year after she disappeared I would see the back of a little girl on the street, and I would wonder if it was her. I would read the newspaper, and I would wonder if a picture was hers. I would look at a victim, and even when I knew it wasn't her, all I could see was my daughter."

"I know."

"She is a victim," Olivia realizes.

Fin shakes his head, "She was taken from you, but she isn't anyone's victim. She graduated high school before her sixteenth birthday. She had a full academic scholarship to NYU, but she turned it down because she wanted to go into the police academy. Before she left high school she won three consecutive state archery championships. She was valedictorian at her high school. She graduated top of her class from the police academy."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Liv that is your daughter."

"Could be."

"What are you so afraid of?"

"Do you know how many times I have been disappointed?"

"It sounds to me like you've given up."

She doesn't respond to this comment, she just stares out the window as he drives.


	29. First Degree

She goes home, and heads into the shower. Once she gets out she climbs into bed hoping that sleep will come quickly. It doesn't. It's late, and she's still wide awake. She climbs out of bed, and breaks out her laptop. She fires it up, and begins using her computer skills to do some investigating. She starts with the police academy. She finds a picture, and newspaper article with officer Rodriguez front and center, under the name Cadence Bridge. She finds articles about her in the national honor's society too. Her picture is in her local newspaper, for being valedictorian, too. She finds an article from five years earlier with Cadence's name attached, explaining how she pulled a child out of a wrecked car just before it caught fire.

Olivia swallows hard, and moves onto the next thing. She searches social media outlets. It doesn't take long to find her. The picture is of Cadence, her husband, and a little boy around the age of two. Olivia furrows her brow wondering if the little boy belongs to Cadence. She ends her search abruptly, knowing that it will only make things worse. She turns off the computer, and puts it away. She glances at her phone. She picks it up, and even considers calling Trevor, but she doesn't.

There are a lot of things that she doesn't tell Trevor that she should. From the fact that she may have found their daughter, to the fact that she is certain that she feels something more than nothing for him. Then there is the other thing that she hasn't time to come to terms with yet. The thing she is ignoring, and pretending isn't happening, for the time being. Until she figures out how she feels about it. Or until she figures out how to deal with it. Or even how to tell him. She flips off the lamp, and crawls under her covers. She pulls the blankets over her head. Sleep takes its sweet time in trying to find her.

* * *

The light of day doesn't make her problems go away. She goes into work sans caffeine, with a splitting headache. She sits down at her desk, hoping to have a moment of peace before everyone arrives. Her partner comes into the room, and makes a beeline for her desk. She looks up at him. He looks as if he hasn't gone home yet, manifested by the fact that his face is scruffy.

"Melinda says she's I.D'd the victims that she has in autopsy. She wants to talk about it in person."

"Ok, let's go."

"She said you should go, alone."

"Why me?"

"She just told me to send you."

"Ok," Olivia agrees.

A few minutes later she finds herself in the morgue. She pushes through the autopsy doors. Melinda scrawls her signature on a report.

"You identified some of our victims?"

"I have a total of four, and I have ID's on two of them," she reaches for a manilla folder in front of her. She hands it to Olivia. Olivia opens it, and looks at the pictures.

"Aubrey Feldman, and Riley Hanning. Aubrey was taken in two thousand and ten. Riley went missing in late two thousand and nine."

"I'll get in contact with the parents."

"I have personal effects for them to identify."

"Ok," Olivia agrees.

"A bracelet on Aubrey, and a hair barrette on Riley."

"Great."

"One more thing."

"Why did you ask for me, specifically?"

Melinda reaches for another folder. She hands it to Olivia. Olivia looks out the outside, but doesn't open it.

"What is it?"

"Something that you need to see."

"What is it?"

"Just open it," Melinda suggests.

Olivia flips it open. She reads the test results to herself. She looks up at Melinda, when she's finished. Melinda doesn't say anything.

"You're sure?" Olivia questions.

"Ran it twice."

"You didn't have to put it at the top of the pile."

"Fin gave me the samples and said it was important."

"What else did Fin say?"

"Nothing. He didn't even tell me where he got the sample from," Melinda reveals.

"Oh."

"Whoever it is happens to be your first degree, female relative."

"Yeah," Olivia nods.

"Not your mother."

"No," Olivia shakes her head.

"Did Fin collect the evidence from the crime scene?"

"Yes," Olivia confirms.

"Was one of the girls that we found related to you?"

"No," Olivia shakes her head.

"You said that he collected it at a crime scene. Are there some we didn't find?"

"It's from an officer that was there," Olivia reveals.

"Cadence," Melinda answers.

"What?"

"It had to be her. She brought me a bottle of water, and all I could think about was how much she looked like you, except for the blue eyes."

"Yeah."

"So she's your sister? I am guessing one that you didn't know about," Melinda guesses.

"No."

"You knew about her?"

"She's not my sister," Olivia answers.

"So..."

"I don't think I have ever told you that I was married, once."

"No, you never mentioned that, in all of the years that we have worked together."

"I was, for a few years, when I was younger."

"What happened?"

"Our marriage was destroyed. Things fell apart. I couldn't keep it together."

"What do you mean?"

"It was a shotgun wedding," she admits.

"What?!" Melinda replies in disbelief.

"My husband took my daughter to his parent's house for Valentine's day weekend, when she was three. I was going to meet him. His parents were going to watch her, while we had some time alone. I fell asleep after work. I woke up to a phone call that my daughter had been abducted."

"You have a daughter?"

"Yes," Olivia nods, in confirmation.

"Cadence is your daughter?"

"Yes."

"How old is she?"

"Nineteen," Olivia answers.

"And she's been missing since she was three?"

"It's not something I ever really got over."


	30. Fear

"I can't imagine that is something you ever get over."

"It was a long time ago. It was before I came to SVU."

"And you never thought to mention it?"

"I wanted a fresh start. I was divorced by the time I came here, and my daughter was gone. I just didn't feel like there was any reason to reopen old wounds."

"How did you find her?"

"I have been looking for her for sixteen years. I am not the one who found her. Fin did, by accident. I recently told him the truth."

"This is good news."

"Yeah."

"You don't sound convinced," Melinda points out.

"I guess I am just in shock."

Melinda smiles, "I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree."

"At least she chose the right side of the law," Olivia comments.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

"You should go. Tell your partner, and then you should take the day off, don't you think?"

"She's an adult. She has a life, and a career. She even has a husband. Her entire world isn't going to stop because she found me."

"I think you should at least call her."

"I..."

"I already faxed the results to the police station over there. Fin told me to."

"Oh."

"What about her father, where is he?"

Olivia looks at her watch, "Probably in court," she says, without thinking.

"Court? He's a criminal?"

"No."

"A judge?"

"Definitely not."

"A bailiff?"

"A defense attorney."

"A defense attorney? You were married to a defense attorney?"

"Yes."

"Who? Is it anyone I know?"

"I've got to go tell Nick that who these girls are," Olivia answers, as she walks away.

* * *

When she reaches the squad room her partner can tell by the look in her eyes that something is off. She approaches him. She tells him what Melinda has warned. She turns to go outside for a breath of fresh air. His fingers gently wrap around her upper arm. She spins around, and looks at him.

"Liv," he begins.

"Don't," she warns him.

"Take care of whatever it is that you need to."

"You need me here."

"You're not any use to me if physically you're here, but your mind is somewhere else."

"Nick, I'll be fine."

"I know that you will. Take care of your business, I can hold down the fort while you're gone."

"I..."

"Go," he insists.

She nods. She grabs her purse, and takes her keys to the squad car. In her mind the scenario plays out in her head. She will drive for hours to a small town, and find the grown woman who DNA confirms is her daughter. The young woman will be at her own precinct, at work. Olivia opens the door to the car. Before she climbs in someone catches her eye. She looks up at the figure who is approaching her.

The young woman speaks, before Olivia has the chance to, "Where are you going detective Benson?"

"Cadence," is the only thing she can managed to go out.

"Are you going somewhere?"

"I was going to come to see you."

"I got the results hours ago. Today is my day off, and I just got in the car, and left. I didn't even tell my husband where I was going."

"He's probably worried about you," Olivia suggests.

"I called him, after I started out. He knows that it is something I had to do."

Olivia can't take her eyes off the toddler on Cadence's hip. She wonders, but she doesn't dare ask. Cadence meets her glance.

"I have only been married for fifteen months."

"You told me that," Olivia points out.

"I met my husband a few weeks after his son was born. He had met Joshua's mother when he was in the army. They didn't get married. They were only together briefly, before she shipped out. She was placed on leave when she found out that she was pregnant a few months later. She was from Georgia, so she went home. They didn't have a lot of time to get to know each other."

"Where is she now?"

"She died during childbirth. The first time I met Jason he was late getting to class. It was our first class. He sat down in front of me, and that is when I noticed that he had a diaper in his back pocket."

"How old is Joshua?"

"He's two and a half. he was only a couple of weeks old when I met Jason."

"So are the two of you planning on having more children?"

"Eventually. Right now I really want to focus on my career. We both do. We already have Joshua, and that is enough work for now."

The two and a half year old clings to Cadence. He stares up at Olivia with big dark eyes.

"I am sorry that I didn't believe you," Olivia apologizes.

"I know that it's all so hard to believe. I can't imagine what you've been through.""I can only imagine what you've been through."

"I always knew I didn't belong with her, but she was always good to me. She wanted me to be hers so badly."

"I am sorry I couldn't stop her."

"It wouldn't have mattered if you were there, or not. She was determined to take me."

"I wish that I believed that."

"Olivia I know that is going to take a long time for you to believe that you didn't do anything wrong, but trust me when I am telling you, you didn't."

"I was afraid that I would never find you."

"Or that I would be one of the bodies at that house?"

"Yeah."

"I'm here now."

"I was so afraid that you were too young to even remember me."

Cadence steps forward. "I wasn't," she insists, with tears welling up in her eyes.

Olivia can't hold back her own tears, any longer. She begins to cry. She takes a step forward, and hugs the young woman standing in front of her.


	31. Different Sides Of The Fence

She sits at a diner near the precinct. She looks at the young woman across the table from her, in awe. Cadence sips her cup of coffee. The little boy is asleep in her lap, with his head against her chest.

"Can I ask you something?" Cadence interrupts the silence.

Olivia nods, "Anything."

"Are you and my father still together?"

"No. We couldn't make it work."

"Did either of you remarry?"

"No."

"Do I have any siblings?"

"No," Olivia shakes her head.

"You never moved on?"

"You were our entire world. When you were gone neither of us could find the strength to start over again."

"Even with each other?"

"Especially with each other."

"Why not?"

"He tried to make it work. He wanted it to work, but I couldn't do it."

"You didn't love him?"

"I did, I still do."

"I don't understand."

"I couldn't look at him every single day of my life. I couldn't look at him, and not be reminded of you."

"Was he a good husband?"

"He was a great husband."

"You gave up?"

"And I will always regret that."

"It's not too late."

"Some things just can't be unsaid."

"You think that the relationship is beyond repair?"

"At this point? Probably."

"Do the two of you still talk."

"Not very much."

"Oh," Cadence's tone hints at disappointment.

"He is a defense attorney. Most of the time when I see him, we are at opposite sides of the courtroom."

"Opposites attract.""I guess that you could say that."

"So is he still around here?" Cadence probes.

"Yeah. Would you like to meet him?"

She simply nods.

He reaches into the pocket of his suit, and pulls out his cell phone.

"Hello?" he answers.

"I need you to meet me."

"Meet you, for what?"

"Lunch."

"Olivia last time I checked you never wanted to talk to me, again."

"Please," she begs.

"Olivia I have a busy schedule today."

"It's important," she insists.

He tugs at his tie, feeling a little overdressed, as he enters the diner. He can see Olivia's face when he enters the door. He can she the back of someone's head as he approaches her. He stops at the end of the table. He looks at the young woman sitting across from Olivia. He turns to Olivia, looking for answers. Olivia slides over so he can sit down.

"Have a seat," Olivia tells him.

"I have to be in court in twenty minutes what's going on?" he slides into the booth, next to her.

"Trevor, this is Cadence."

He stares at her, in silence. He studies her face. His glance quickly falls to the little boy in her arms.

"He is not my biological son. He is my husband's little boy," she clarifies.

He swallows hard. "You're married?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"You're so young."

"She's a cop," Olivia adds, beaming with pride.

He turns to Olivia, "This is really her?"

"Yeah," she nods in confirmation, "DNA confirms.

"Cadence I can't believe that you're here."

"Neither can I."

"You probably have no memory of us, do you? You were so young."

She smiles, "I remember. I remember eating ice cream sundaes for breakfast, when mom would be at work on Saturday."

"I can't eat ice cream anymore," he admits.

"It sounds to me, like someone needs an ice cream sundae, before they head off to court," Cadence suggests.

He motions for the waitress. Olivia watches, in amazement as they order. Cadence orders first. Trevor watches her in silence, clearly taken aback. The waitress turns to him.

"What can I get for you?"

"The same," he admits.

Olivia looks at her ex, in disbelief.

"You allowed her to eat an ice cream sundae, with gummy bears for breakfast?"

He nods, "We always went to the park, or did something to expend energy afterwards," he defends his actions.

"I think I turned out ok," Cadence points out, "besides I haven't been able to ice cream sundaes since then, either."

"I have so many questions for you, but I have to go soon," Trevor studies the young woman.

"It's ok."

"How long are you here for?"

"I live in Bedford," she reveals.

Trevor furrows his brow.

"What?" Olivia questions.

"The two of you probably worked on the Bedford serial pedophile, and murder case," he guesses.

Both of them nod. Olivia cocks an eyebrow, "Why do you ask?"

"I am representing the defendant in that case."

Olivia rolls her eyes, "Of course you are."


	32. Truth In The Night

He sits at the bar consumed by thought. His scotch sits in front of him, untouched. He thinks about a night similar to this many years ago. He didn't meet her in this bar, but it was certainly a similar atmosphere. He stares at his glass, thinking how time leaves very little unchanged. Sixteen years ago their world was torn apart. He had prayed the day would come that their daughter would return to them. Now that she finally has, he realizes it still didn't end the way he hoped. At some point, he naively thought that finding Cadence might bring them back together. But finding their daughter didn't magically heal all of the things broken between them. He wishes he could go back in time, and change everything.

He wishes he never took Cadence to Connecticut that night. He wishes that his marriage to Olivia hadn't fallen apart. Mostly he wishes that he could make her love him, again. But time changes everything. It changes circumstances, and people too. It would never change the way he feels about her, though. Being with her is the only time he ever feels complete. But it is pretty clear they aren't on the same page.

* * *

She lies in bed, wide awake. She thinks about everything that has happened over the past couple of days. Years of worrying, and praying, finally culminated in finding their daughter. Sometimes she wishes she could turn back the hands of time, and put her family back together. She wishes she could prevent herself from growing so cold over the years. She thinks about the look of disappointment on her daughter's face, when she realized that her parents are no longer together. It's funny how every girl has a fairytale of how her life should be.

Olivia shakes her head. Cadence's life has been anything but. She only wishes she could have done a better job protecting her. She wonders if she can ever mend the broken pieces. Her mind wanders to Trevor. Her ex-husband. Probably the only man she ever truly loved. She knows that the problems between them have built over decades, and the chances of ever making it work are slim to none. She swallows hard, thinking about another child.

* * *

He stumbles to the door, wearing nothing more than a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. It's after three am, and he's just gotten to bed. He looks through the peephole, and unchains the door. He pulls it open, and allows the party on the other end to step inside. He shakes his head at her, in disbelief.

"What are you doing here?" he asks her.

She doesn't say anything. She wraps her arms around him, and buries her head in his chest.

"Liv?" he questions as he closes the door.

"I'm sorry."

He furrows his brow, "Sorry, for what?"

"Everything," she wipes away tears.

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"The way that things turned out."

"How many times do we have to go over this? You are not at fault for Cadence being taken."

"That isn't what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?'

"I am sorry for the way things turned out, between us."

"Oh. Olivia you didn't have to come here and tell me that, at three o'clock in the morning."

"It wasn't as if I was actually sleeping."

"We both made mistakes," he reminds her.

"I pushed you away. When I couldn't make you leave I walked away."

"We were young."

"We were old enough to know better," she argues.

"I couldn't make you stay somewhere that you didn't want to be. I tried. I never could make you do anything that you didn't want to."

"When I told her that we weren't together she looked so disappointed."

"All kids have a fairytale of what their parents should be like."

"And when I told her that we never remarried..." she chokes.

"That we never moved on?"

She nods, "She was even more disappointed. How did we let ourselves fall apart, and never pick up the pieces."

"It is hard to put them back in place, when a very large one is missing."

"We used her being kidnapped as an excuse."

"For what?"

"To hate each other."

"I never hated you."

"Don't lie. A part of you did."

"Maybe," he shrugs.

"I blamed you, and it wasn't your fault."

"I was happy to take the blame."

"I should have tried to make things work."

"Olivia you were distraught. Someone took our daughter from us. They took sixteen years of her life, and we can never get them back. We can't get that time back, even though we have found her."

"We shouldn't waste anymore time."

"I agree."

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner."

"You just found out about her," he points out.

"I am sorry that I thought it would be better if you didn't know. I thought that I wouldn't have to see you on a regular basis. I thought that you would be out of my life."

He shakes his head, "What are you talking about?"

"I am not perfect. I have made a lot of mistakes. I shut you out. I keep things from you. It isn't fair."

"Liv, what are you talking about, specifically?"

"You wanted to give us another shot, and I shut you down."

"I was there, I know."

"I was afraid."

"Afraid, of what? You were afraid that you would get hurt?"

"I was afraid that I still loved you. I was afraid that I never stopped."

"Why would you be afraid of that?"

"Because I didn't want to hurt you again."

"Olivia, that is ridiculous."

"Because looking at you now, I can already see that I have."

"You..."

She cuts him off, "Trevor I came over here, because there is something I need to tell you."

"I thought that you just did."

"You were right, that could have waited. I didn't have to come over here at three o'clock in the morning for that."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I didn't want to lie to you anymore."

"Lie to me? About what?"

"By omission."

"What are you omitting? What have you not been telling me?"

"I'm pregnant," she admits.


	33. Coming Clean

She tugs at her shirt, on her way down the sidewalk. She buttons the middle button of her blazer, as she enters the precinct. She heads through security. She makes her way onto the elevator. Her palms are sweaty as she rides to her floor. When the doors open, and she steps out she feels full of anxiety. She walks through the squad room towards the Captain's office. She knocks on the door and he motions for her to come in. She closes the door behind her. She moves towards his desk, taking a seat in the chair, across the desk from him.

"You're here early," he comments.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Is this a good thing, or a bad thing?"

"Good."

"What has been going on with you lately? You have been incredibly secretive as of late."

"I have just had a lot going on."

"You want to explain it to me?"

"There are things that you don't know about me."

"There are things about each and every one of my detective's that I don't know."

Olivia reaches into her pocket, and pulls out some folded papers. She swallows hard as she places them into her lap.

"I was married once."

His eyes widen, "Excuse me?"

"I was married before. It was a long time ago."

"How long ago?" he questions.

"I got married twenty years ago," she admits.

"That was a lifetime ago. Why are you telling me now?"

"Because life always has a way of complicating itself."

"How long were you married for?"

"A few years."

"You were married for a few years? Here I thought that you were going to tell me that you were married for a few months, and things just didn't work out. What happened?"

"My life was turned upside down."

"He died?" Cragen guesses.

"A part of me died," she admits.

"Olivia why don't you just tell me what happened."

Olivia hands him papers in her lap. He takes them from her. He unfolds them. He only reads the first couple of lines.

"Why are you handing me a missing person's report?"

"Keep reading," she insists.

"What am I looking for?"

"Who filed it. The parents names," she responds.

He finishes reading, and then looks up at her. He swallows hard. "You had a daughter?"

She simply nods.

"You had a little girl, who was kidnapped?"

"Yeah," Olivia confirms.

"That is what tore your marriage apart," he guesses.

"Yes," she replies.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"It was before I came to SVU."

"That doesn't matter. You should have told me."

"I wanted a fresh start. I wanted to be somewhere that my colleagues didn't look at me, and pity me. I never wanted anyone's pity. I just wanted to be able to do my job."

"You were married to Trevor Langan?"

"Yes."

"A defense attorney. Didn't you think that might be a conflict of interest?"

"How? We have been divorced for years."

"How did you get married to a defense attorney?"

"The how isn't that important."

"Why."

"That isn't important either."

"You never found her?"

"We found her in Bedford."

"Liv, I'm so sorry."

Olivia shakes her head, and smiles, "No. She was at the scene, but she wasn't one of the victims."

Cragen furrows his brow, "What do you mean?"

"She works for Bedford P.D."

"She's a cop?"

"Yeah," Olivia confirms.

"You didn't know?"

"No."

"You're sure?"

"The DNA confirmed."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks."

He locks eyes with her, "But the look in your eyes tells me that you aren't done yet."

"I'm not," she admits.

"What else could you possibly have to tell me?"

"I'm pregnant."

"What?! Are you sure?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"Since when?"

"I'm fourteen weeks."

"What?! Why did you wait so long to tell me?"

"I was afraid."

"Of what? Desk duty?"

"That something would happen. I didn't want to tell you, too early."

"I understand that. Do I even want to know who the father is?"

"That might be a conflict of interest."

"Trevor?"

She simply nods.

"Does he know?"

"I told him a few days ago."

"How did he take it?"

"Not the way that I expected. When I told him, he didn't say anything. I haven't heard from him since."

"You're serious?"

"Yeah."

"What a jerk."

"He isn't, though. I expected that he would be happy, but he completely shut down."


	34. Replay

He looks up from his drink. He furrows his brow as the older man takes a seat next to him.

"What are you doing here?" he questions as he takes a sip of his drink.

"Your secretary told me that I would find you here."

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"No thanks, I am a recovering alcoholic."

"So why are you at a bar Captain?"

"I came to find you," Cragen admits.

"The Captain of SVU came to find a defense attorney, who he hates. Unless you need defending, I can't understand why you're here."

"It's about Olivia," Cragen reveals.

"Is she ok?"

"She's fine, physically."

"So why are you here? Why were you looking for me?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"I can't imagine that we have much in common," Langan responds.

"We have one thing in common. As far as I can tell we both care about her."

"You shouldn't be here."

"Trevor Olivia told me."

"Told you what?"

"Everything. She told me that the two of you were married. She told me about your daughter. She told me that she's pregnant."

"Good. It's about time."

"She said that you haven't spoken to her."

"I don't know what to say. It's a lot to process."

"She was trying to convince me that you're not a jerk, but I haven't seen anything to prove that you're not. Why are you avoiding her?"

"Because it feels like deja vu. I wanted to do all the things that we did before. We weren't married when she got pregnant with Cadence. We had a shotgun wedding. Then everything fell apart. My entire world turned upside down. What if it was my fault? What if I did something wrong? I just want her to be happy. I brought her so much unhappiness, and pain. I don't want her to feel that way again. She is better off without me."

"How did you bring her unhappiness, and pain? Some sociopath stole your daughter from the two of you."

"I was the once who insisted on going to my parents house. If we hadn't gone to Connecticut Cadence never would have been taken. It was all my fault."

"No it wasn't."

"But it feels like it was," Trevor argues.

"Then tell her that."

"I can't. I can't face her. Our daughter was missing for sixteen years. I can't get any of that time back. I can't repair any of the damage that was done."

"No, but you can try to make things work."

"What if history repeats itself?"

"It won't."

"You don't know that."

"Trevor you are being foolish. Olivia wants you in her life. You should realize that."

"She is the one who filed for divorce. I didn't want one. I wanted her. She walked away, and I can't blame her."

"That was a long time ago. Maybe the two of you should start fresh."

"I wouldn't know where to start."

"Neither of you ever remarried. That says to me that you both still have feelings for each other."

Trevor shakes his head, "Neither one of us are very good at leaving the past where it belongs. We don't let things go."

"So you are going to let her raise a child on her own, instead of trying to make things work?" Cragen questions.

"I know that it doesn't sound rational."

"Trevor how is your daughter?"

"She is amazing. She is like her mother in so many ways."

"She's safe?"

"Yeah," he confirms.

"I think that it is time you and Olivia forgive each other. It is time to move on. Your daughter is safe. She is grown. You are absolutely right, you can't get back the time you lost. You can, however, decide that you don't want to lose anymore. Do you still love Olivia?"

He exhales, "I never stopped."

"Then you should tell her that. Right now she just thinks that you are being a selfish jerk. She tells you that she's pregnant, and you don't say anything. How is she supposed to take that?"

"I didn't mean to hurt her."

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions," Don reminds him.

"I am a defense attorney," Trevor quips.

"You have defended some legitimately not guilty clients."

"They are far, and few between."

"Trevor despite your career choice, I think that you are a decent guy. You are a hell of a lawyer. You need to tell Olivia the truth."

* * *

She opens the door of her apartment, and finds a tall, dark, and handsome blue eyed man standing in her doorway.

"What are you doing here?"

"I talked to your Captain."

"When?"

"Earlier. He made some really good points."

"Trevor why are you here?"

"Because I was a jerk. I was afraid that I would lose you, if I told you how I felt. And now I realized that by saying nothing, I would lose you anyway."

"What is there left for you to say?"

"I still love you. I never stopped."

"I..."

He cuts her off, "Let me finish, please. When you told me that you were pregnant I was happy, for half a second, until the voices in the back of my head kicked in. I kept thinking about the way things turned out before, and it scared me. I can't imagine going through that again. I never want to feel that way again. I lost the two people that I loved the most."

"Trevor," she tries to reason with him.

"Olivia, you are standing right in front of me. You have been here the whole time, and I haven't been man enough to try to make things work. I am equally responsible for our marriage not working. You are not the only one to blame. And, you are not the only one who is scared of what could happen."

"What are you saying?"

"I want to try again. I want to start over, with a clean slate. I am tired of being afraid of what might happen. I just know that I don't want to lose you. I love you."


	35. Happily Ever After

_He enters the dining room, carrying the Thanksgiving turkey. He looks at the formal dining room, and smiles. His dining room table seats eight, and until recently was never used. He puts the turkey on the table. His wife smiles at him. She sits at the head of the table. To her right sits his daughter, and her husband, and a little boy. He walks around the table, after he finishes carving the turkey. He takes a seat next to his wife. A toddler with his eyes sits on her lap. The little girl smiles widely at him. He looks to his left, a little boy with Olivia's smile sits next to him, in a booster seat. Cadence clears her throat._

_"So this marks our fourth Thanksgiving together as a family," she begins._

_Trevor looks over at her, "Do you want to start?"_

_"The head of the table should start," she argues._

_Trevor looks over at his wife, "Go ahead."_

_Olivia smiles, "I am thankful for the same thing that I was thankful for last year," she admits._

_"Tell us anyway," Cadence insists._

_"I'm thankful that we're all together."_

_"Dad?" Cadence questions._

_"I am thankful for all of you. My incredibly amazing wife. My hardworking, amazingly intelligent daughter. And two of the orneriest twins, Melody, and Lyric." _

_Cadence smiles, "Lyric what are you thankful for?"_

_The boy with an angelic face, blonde hair, and big brown eyes giggles, "Pie."_

_Trevor shakes his head in disbelief, "And that folks, is my son. Melody what about you, sweetie?"_

_The little girl with dark curls, and big blue eyes answers sweetly, "Not pie. I'm thankful for everybody."_

_Trevor looks across the table, "Jason?"_

_"I am thankful for my beautiful wife, and my insanely smart, handsome son."_

_"Cadence?" Olivia questions._

_"I am thankful that we all found each other."_

_Cadence looks at the six year old sitting to her right. "Ok buddy you're up. Joshua tell them what you're thankful for this year."_

_"I'm thankful for my sister."_

_Trevor cocks an eyebrow, "Your sister? Josh-y, buddy, you don't have a sister."_

_"There's one in mommy's belly," he answers._

_A smile creeps across Olivia's face. Trevor looks at the six year old, completely stunned. He shakes his head, and allows his glance to fall on his oldest daughter._

_"You guys are having a baby?" he asks._

_"Yeah," Jason confirms._

_Olivia scoots her chair out. She places Melody on the seat of the chair, and makes her way around the table. She stops next to her daughter's chair. Cadence scoots her chair out, and rises to meet her. Olivia wraps her arms around her. _

_"Congratulations."_

_"So you're having a girl?" Trevor questions._

_Jason speaks up, "We haven't found out yet. Josh just keeps calling the baby his sister."_

_Olivia sits in a lawn chair on top of the precinct. Some of her co-workers sit at a table, and eat, while her husband mans the grill. She looks over at the family sitting around the table with her. Her twins sit next to each other, gnawing ears of corn. Joshua sits on Jason's lap drinking a bottle of water. Cadence sits next to her, holding a precious baby girl. Olivia vacates her seat, and heads over to her husband. She smacks him on the butt. _

_He turns around, and smiles at her. He kisses her._

_"I was hoping that was you."_

_"Happy fourth of July," she beams._

_"Can you ask Amanda what she wants on her burger?"_

_"Yeah," Olivia nods._

_She turns and looks at the tables in front of her. Her family, the one that shares her DNA sits at one table. At the other tables her extended family, her brothers, and sisters in blue sit. Nick, and his family take up on table. Amanda sits at Fin's table, with her husband. Cragen sits at a table with John, and his new bride. Fin looks up at her, and winks. _

_"You wanna grab me another beer?" he questions._

_She nods, and reaches into the cooler at her feet. She walks over to his table, and hands him the beer. _

_"Thanks, Liv."_

She feels herself being nudged awake. She opens her eyes, and looks at the man lying in the bed next to her. He lies on his side, with his elbow in the mattress, and his head propped up on his fist. He leans over and kisses her.

"Good morning," he greets her.

"Morning."

"We should continue our conversation from yesterday."

"There is no need."

"Really?" he questions, placing his hand on her stomach.

"Everything is going to be alright."

"How do you know?"

"I just do," she insists.

"How did you sleep?"

"Fine."

"Did you have any good dreams?"

"Yeah."

"Really? No more nightmares?"

"No."

"You're sure."

"I dreamt that we had twins."

"Twins? We're not having twins are we?"

"Not as far as I know."

"When is your next ultrasound appointment?"

"This morning."

He stares at the picture in his hand, as she finishes getting dressed. He shakes his head in disbelief.

"Can you believe that guy?"

Olivia smiles, "Which part?"

"Some bullshit about vanishing twin syndrome. That was not a very compelling argument. That sounds like junk science to me."

"You're angry?"

"How did he not notice before?"

"You're angry that we're having twins?"

He looks over at Olivia. He smiles at her, "No."

"Good."

"Can you hold this for a minute?" He hands her the picture. She takes the picture from him. He bends down as if he's going to tie his shoe. He rest on the floor, on one knee. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box. She looks at him in confusion.

"What are you doing? Get off the floor. You have no idea what is on that floor."

"Marry me," He opens the box.

She furrows her brow as she looks at the box, and the rings.

"Where did you get those?"

"Are you referring to the Altoid box, or the ring?"

"Both."

"I found them in your drawer."

"I see."

"So what do you say? Would you like to carry on our tradition of a shotgun wedding at the courthouse?"

"A wedding at the courthouse still seems a little white trash to me."

"We can have a big wedding. You can have whatever you want, just say yes."

She smiles, "I already have everything I want."

"So that's a no?"

"Of course I'll marry you, again."


End file.
